Always a Few More Thoughts on A Community and National Response to Change, Loss, Conflict, Crimes, Death, Recovery Efforts, Searches, Making Peace, Healing...

How does one begin to talk about the more difficult topics in life that come up from time to time not only for the 'main key players' and their inner circles and social circles,but sometimes via news stories and even years later hearing about situations that could happen anywhere and basically do happen everywhere (more or less in terms of How People Live, The Kinds of Problems that Can Arise Sometimes One Moment to the Next like choking, or falling, and less likely, wandering or seeking to rescue someone from danger but that too?

There's no one program, class or person who has established when and how someone should learn about LIFE's Downs as well as its Ups. We tend to ignore the problem or personal side of life in public. Even if that spills over into the headlines of the day or the courts, mostly people want to give others respect and space. That is a helpful and caring response to some extent, but maybe insufficient for the greater learning that could be very helpful. 

With a call from a reporter doing a ten-year check-in with me after Tom Drew,91, of Salisbury CT went missing from his home on July 21st, 2007 around 7:15 pm when it was still light out until almost 9pm, I answered a few more questions. Most pressing for Bridget Ruthman of the Republican-American was piecing together a probable explanation about What Happened to Tom Drew in terms of when and how he left his home on a dirt road with a steep incline on the Salisbury CT -Sheffield MA line.

She was guessing he may have somehow made it up the drive and perhaps was picked up by someone just moments before his main caregiver returned, coming down that dirt road from the Salisbury side. If anyone had given him a ride up the hill, they likely would have come forward and there are only a few homes on the private road, so that is unlikely.

Bridget Ruthman did say she believes me and I appreciated that, since she made a mistake in saying I had 'changed my story'  possibly based on something she read or someone said before speaking with me at all a number of years ago. She recanted that in a following edition of the paper but the number of rumors and inconsistencies in reports by police and people other than myself seem to have been the main area of focus of numerous inquires and investigation efforts primarily by the two daughters of Tom Drew. I commended them to Ruth for their persistence and intelligence for looking at all possible angles. The few part series in the Litchfield County Times also said they tried to contact me but did not write to me and their piece went on for weeks. When the did reach me after I had moved from one town to another in the general vicinity of Salisbury, CT I spoke with them at length,meeting them in Goshen at their convenience.

Much later that night I happened to meet a woman whose daughter had been the victim of a horrible fatal crime years before as a young teen. What might the meaning of that 'synchronicity' be? Themother had not received much respect and support for her tragic loss. I hope to check in with her again as I can and promote such an effort even many years later. Again there are many important needs going unnoted and untended to which keeps us all from evolving with the greater love we likely desire.

The idea of calling the home a 'crime scene' from the get-go could have been reasonable and likely in the future everyone could encourage that as a 'first step' perhaps with people involved giving permission (if that were needed, for instance if I had been caring for Tom Drew in my own home, which I was not doing.)

Same thing for any possible vehicles, let them be tested before taken from the scene even if a rental car were needed for a time. I would have agreed to that. The kinds of people that could and should be called might include psychics, some of whom specialize in locating people, if that is okay with the family but perhaps even if they are not in agreement.

Every person could detail the kinds of efforts (perhaps from an exhaustive checklist) that they would want taken if they or their kin were in a compromised or dangerous situation. Sadly with the Petit Family loss occurring only two days after Tom Drew going missing, the whole state of CT was feeling the precarious notion that one is 'safe at home' without worrying about additional security or accountability measures.

Perhaps signals could be developed so the inhabitants of a house could call for help readily if trapped inside (such as the Petit family was, maybe with a special light switch for flood lights and an outdoor video that would respond by dialing 9-1-1 with the code secret alert. Now I am just thinking out loud here in response to the Petit family loss... so very scary but again very important for everyone to try to think of safety planning on many fronts, even with the fire and smoke alarms, checking for functioning and safety in a home, just to prevent falls or other problems of mold, etc.

Tag teams in a neighborhood (like Neighborhood Watches) could perhaps be developed to help each other in a neighborly way rather than waiting for a pressing need to draw people together. Even when that happens, additional people from other areas or fields could be invited in to address needs and concerns, keep track of information and be a second set of eyes and ears.

Developing protocol can be a helpful response to improve a system that fell short. Likely more people putting effort into that would  prevent the need for many people and resources being used in searches and 'recovery efforts'. I have given this more thought than most as have the Drew sisters since we both suffered difficult unexpected changes in our family situations.  In 2009, our teen son Kaelan tried to rescue a friend who was then saved thankfully. This was two years after Tom went missing and was never heard from or found.

The large group of parents and likely school friends and personnel as well as many advocates and others who knew  us and particularly Kaelan could have been better at preventing the event leading to our son's demise have yet to feel inspired to really come together with a caring, informed response about that day and ways to craft clear safety plans (the name of another post on this site.)

It is no one's job or apparently concern to take the time and do the practical and caring work of thinking things like this through. Yet a number of good ideas could be implemented voluntarily such as Teens Taking Repsonsibility for their Whereabouts Seriously, and Not Doing Very Risky Things Without Any Consent or Training or Awareness of Clear Limits.

Too often people will summarily say 'kids take risks,especially boys.' Some are aware there is an Adrenaline Addiction Syndrome (or thereabouts) where people seek thrills for the chemical endorphins and such to be released. That can help some feel 'they are really alive' even if that means being in great danger. More patterns of risk-taking whether in cars or stunts or long distance or heights could be discussed by professionals and those with skills in those areas to clarify the limits for exploration and pursuits with safety in mind and in keeping with local laws and recommendations.

Okay, well the points hopefully can be explored by people in Every State and Country. Some call it common sense and clear follow through, Why not paint as detailed of a picture as possible and realize the lives you may be saving could be those close to you or even your own. Taking classes in first aid, caring for children and adults (some online programs give info for free) and dealing with emotions, addressing conflict, communicating in writing or with some go-between help whether a friend or mediator and even via the media which is the primary way aside from a law suit the Drew sisters raised is how we have learned in bits and pieces what was of concern.

My hope would be we could find help in having some matters addressed to their satisfaction even though I have been a highly cooperative person over many years when that was not required and basically Is Not Recommended by Professionals who warn 'things can be taken out of context, misrepresented' and many rumors spun even if someone is innocent. Worse still, many thousands are kept in jail without being able to make bail even if not charged, sometimes put in solitary confinement and some end up injured or harmed (even by themselves allegedly committing suicide or actually doing so.)

The idea of interacting with people and getting involved is not for the faint of heart. But ignoring the needs of others is not without its drawbacks as well. Asking key qustions such as What IF I were completely honest maybe has never crossed the minds of some people if they `were convinced 'Tom Couldn't physically walk away". But using the term IF could allow them if given time as a mental exercise to Consider What THAT would mean...How many investigations related to anything but Tom leaving his home on his own have been done, how much slander, blame and difficulty has that 'wild-goose chase' caused?

How might that have factored into the great deal of stress I was under in my own life until the time my son passed two years later in mid June 2009? Did some people feel 'justice was being served' IF I had not told the truth?  Many thought someone in my downward spiral of a life situation for a few years even prior to Kaelan's passing who end their life. "The Loss of A Child, A Teen..." is horrible yet many people go through equally troubling times I have had people share and I have come to ponder. There is a huge chance many people blame others and hold fast to their beliefs in court, in social circles and on many fronts even when the People are innocent and even when people Know they are Innocent. We likely need to considerr the Big IFs as in IF there is a spiritual side to us, we are Timeless, Ageless and Eternal. (As in energy can neither be created nor destoyed.)

With the metaphysical possibility that we are all balancing out lifetimes of karma in certain relationships, we can keep an open mind and reserve some of the harshest judgments and sense of wanting 'pay back'. Edgar Cayce and Rudolf Steiner and many faiths hold a tenent along these lines that 'nobody fools G-d and what goes around will come around to the perpetrators of intentional wrongdoing and maybe accidental times too. We mostly understand the laws of nature and physics and need to respect them less we get caught unaware.

The metaphysical laws may not be much more complicated and overall erring on the side of 'just in case' there is karma, most criminals and folks pushing limits would slow down and think twice for themselves And their friends. The story of our son's passing could alert people to how 'joining in with others' often links the karmic paths in profound ways.

A huge degree of trust is needed to get through the day so ideally every team player could be one who promotes trust and respect in themselves and others. Being accountable for one's words and actions would be a good place to begin a personal inventory and as may be appropriate a group one and larger one in a town, state and country, etc.. The  message "all is forgiven" is one that Jesus Christ shared is possible when asking forgiveness with a sincere heart (and sinning no more, not repeating harm against oneself and others.) Sadly with the strict prohibition of sex before marriage some very devout religious or otherwise 'responsible-minded' people have threatened their children and others with harm if not death for potential breaking of laws (including premarital sex, using drugs and so on.) "Honor killings" and harming young girls to prevent them from having any physical sexual pleasure even as an adult is still something not acknowledged or prevented in a meaningful way in various countries and cultures. At what point could more people advocate for clear reasonable standards of homelife and relationship standards and ask everyone to check a website to see if they are somewhere in the ball park of normal and fair, treating others the way they would want to be treated as in with safety and respect?

Sometimes blaming a victim or someone close to a situation is done to 'protect oneself and convince oneself it can't happen to me'. Kind of survival denial-instinct. I have tried to let everyone know I forgive them whether they have taken time to apologize or not, whether they understand that it would likely be in their own personal energetic best interest to do so. I have also tried to let people know I am sorry for anything I have done to hurt them (particularly talked their ears off or written pages on end that they don't want to read in letters when that was not their job, or even if it was...if it felt like Just too much.)

Much of what I wrote for years  and spoke of to dozens of people in our communities was done Before My Son's passing. What IF people had listened to the concerns I spelled out, might a group of friends from near and far been able to advocate for very pressing matters and helped supervise my children in a regular way? That theme is one every family could look at seriously. Even with two adults needing to work other responsible, safe, sober adults should be monitoring youth and even teens and those in their early 20s and so on. Common sense. Life 101.There are many programs, jobs and people to care for that people could tune into and feel grateful they are part of the 'contributors' whether paid or not, but hopefully treated with respect. Thanks for pondering and now it's time for some self-care.. and hope each one does that too. Peace and light, Catherine