Considering some responses that 'social work systems work fine and for the best interest of the child...'
From a public FB forum, I got a response to the previous post (a shortened version of it...)
"Catherine, you've offered a lot of food for thought here, and I'm so sorry about the loss of your brave son. I must however, take exception to your sweeping generalization about social service agencies blaming the victim and siding with the abuser. As a social worker and foster parent, I can assure you that each situation is assessed on an individual basis with the well being of the child and safety of the abused paramount. The agencies involved work together to provide comprehensive wrap around services for all family members at risk."
My response is as follows...Thanks for your thoughtful and concerned response. I have learned a lot from many professional advocates that 1 out of 3 people in the legal field dealing with abuse are not skilled or willing to implement best practices.
See what Safe & Together Institute is offering to help everyone align their practice and advocacy to keep children with their protective mothers, generally the victims.
If a woman does not have the means to support her children that should not be grounds to remove them from her care or give them to the more economically stable abuser.
The priority should be for safety. In terms of a national study, 8 out to 10 times abusers were gaining custody. That is from information shared at the national Battered Mothers Custody Conference.
There are clearly many caring people in the systems, but also many deficiencies and protocol almost forcing victims and many people to 'side with a controlling party' over victims of abuse and their children. In terms of abused children, then foster care and so forth may be needed.
My hope is that everything would be more transparent and part of the educational system youth and families would want to pursue regularly with good online information, advocacy and videos with actors making aspects clear for people to understand. LundyBancroft.com has a play recently performed and there's also 'Will You Hold My Child",a play that can be read and performed (maybe a zoom version?)
It was done in Torrington CT about 10 years ago and there are some DVDs of that. Maybe I can get one to share with people Also the northwest CT area got a half a million dollar grant twice to educate the community about domestic abuse...and mainly they listed some agencies and info from Lundy Bancroft.com.
Overall I highly value that we are having this community forum and this thread...Tough topics but critical to get a handle on, especially for teens and young families. People have to brave considering"What IF's" such as if someone gets a head injury, paranoid from using legal marijuana or a host of other 'concerning mental health issues and episodes'...and yes, domestic abuse.
Everyone could have a Primer and ways to get recognition or track one's progress to learning things Before being in serious relationships even at youth, young adults and so on. Clarification about respectful, non-pressured, thoughtful even written mutual consent to have various kinds of social relationships (public interactions versus private social groups--even sharing 'in confidence what can be guaranteed and what may prove an exception if someone is in harm's way or harm is intended to someone'.
Everyone could have a Primer and ways to get recognition or track one's progress to learning things Before being in serious relationships even at youth, young adults and so on. Clarification about respectful, non-pressured, thoughtful even written mutual consent to have various kinds of social relationships (public interactions versus private social groups--even sharing 'in confidence what can be guaranteed and what may prove an exception if someone is in harm's way or harm is intended to someone'.
Also if reports are made even in the future some people may need to 'break confidentiality' if under a court order or giving a deposition. Just sharing some basics that of course need clarification...That's the overall point of my efforts over many years...filling in gaps that could provide a bridge of uplevelling our game of life in many areas... and again I explore these themes on livfully.org
