A More Mellow Version of the Post Below..with a few tips added...Thinking About Screening for abuse before Relationship or Family Counseling Sessions or Custody or Divorce concerns..
There are some posts I looked at from the Huffington Post about female sexuality and then one about Sexologists Debunk 17 Common Myths about Sex.
Feel free to look those up...This post covers a lot of topics not typical of a FB post so sorry if that's offensive for even bringing them up..but hopefully we'll all find a way to realize more of the big picture of what people, especially women and kids are facing this world today and coach one another to have a team of support, laws the protect and allow for letting people know what is important to consider and to plan for safety as much as possible.
There could be ongoing relationship call centers or even community message and conflict centers (to let someone know of a concern, even anonymously...) Then there could be ways to offer ideas Without Talking Directly with those involved or making them interact even online or on the phone or in person.
That's where "couples counseling" and even "family counseling gets off on the wrong foot!". More screening to help each person understand if there is a history of abuse (even from over the years) is important...and to meet with people separately a few times is important to allow for trust and exploration of a journey and again more completed understanding of dynamics is key. Lots more along those lines on Safe&Together Institute.com and sites such as LundyBancroft.com.
Thanks for braving learning as one can with support to understand it is not easy for people to learn, change and be accountable..but it's worth trying to do and over time a lot can be comprehended and inform one's journey and community... a bit like I am doing here... There's a simple video called Critter Jitters made about 35 years ago, created by the late KarenKisslinger.com. With a few kids and a movement teacher they acted out the kinds of interactions animals who like each other or are getting along nicely have 'good, safe feeling touch and interactions' such as two cats or two dogs playfully chasing about or giving each other shared space to move or be near each other. With all due respect to the women who birthed all on the planet and the men who were good fathers along the way as well, I'll be talking about the human body with all the body parts and emotional and other aspects to being a person and in a relationship or interacting with others...and so thanks for being here and to the parents...and to all who are here whether having children or not or caring for others regularly or not... Hopefully we can share the wisdom that keeps life flowing in a safer, happier direction for all over the generations. I did make a chart with terms of all body parts and such which I'll share on Livfully.org soon if I haven't yet..so this is a reminder for me to do so. I'd love help with getting ideas like this off the ground too. So this post may be more than some are comfortable reading..so maybe have someone else preview if a younger person...although it'd likely be older folks, 45 and up who may be uncomfortable thinking about this kind of stuff! Then there were exercises where something didn't feel right or was disturbing for one or both...and that was the feeling of having 'critter jitters'...a scared or worried feeling, something that bothered or hurt someone. If animals were in that mode there might be hissing, scratching, chasing or fighting, or someone curled up in fear. There were little songs and hand clap games to help the kids who were sharing the ideas for others to learn to know that their bodies were their own, that they had a right to feel safe both day and night, that they could get away or move away and not need to be touched 'that way' (anyway that they felt was weird or bothered them, no matter who, what, where, when or why.) The naming of body parts like 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' were shared for the 'private parts' but with names that were accurate such as penis, vagina (and I'll add anus and vulva and labia, testicles...as the kind of terms that group of kids likely heard from their parents and other sessions in the class so they were not foreign terms and could have a way to say things 'so everyone knows what we are talking about' rather than other terms..some of which can be googled...but may include "pussy
"(see the book by Mama Gena on that one or Spiritual Midwifery... and talks on youtube and the movement...about reclaiming feminine power and yes, sexuality...) and or little head (as opposed to the one on the top of one's neck and sometimes referred to in a question of which head is making the decisions..the big one or the little one..or the one on top of the body or below the waist...) Likely those talking heads could be having quite a discussion at times..and the parallel for female's mind and imagination and her lower parts.. all the bells and whistles of touch, talk, thinking and even dreaming along those lines.As these women share, sexuality involves one's whole body not only a few parts and not just certain interactions.... So important to remember the mindset and relationship and as they review, fully informed consent about one's intentions (availability legally, in whatever relationship status with others, availability in terms of having time to plan on discussions and have support to address relationship issues in an appropriate, responsible way for safety, emotional and psychological history and expectations, pacing getting to know one another slowly enough so no one is mired in mixed signals and not clear about consent or offers for commitment at the level each is agreeing to and lots more . I have some blog posts along these lines to fill in the gap of discussion about the simplest things...like getting to know someone and be responsible...and check in with a few friends and even folks and sites online to feel more supported in the realm of relationships of all kinds and particularly any that are 'going somewhere' in the direction of physical, intimate and so on. These folks in this talk share that 'there were over 400K condoms handed out during an Olympics so to realize many people may be 'hooking up' or otherwise having sex (and again hopefully without people being incapacitated with booze, drugs and so forth since not being able to give consent can be grounds for sexual assault charges and violations...)
Being more careful about where one is and how one is travelling, who one is with and so on is something for people to double check as part of a safe lifestyle and especially if dating or in a relationship since things can be dicey now and then and may need more support from counselors or friends for someone or more people to comprehend the dynamics and patterns in a situation over time or around one aspect of a relationship (finances, housing, caring for children, pets or others, work, cleaning and laundry or other ongoing routines even shopping, cooking and dishes etc... they can all reflect a level of respect and care or a lack thereof...and that can also be the case 'in the bedroom' where things are not adding up to a safe, balanced honest connection. Affairs and time spent with certain people, hobbies, secret personal endeavors and so forth are something more people could tune into as important to consider and not be left in the dark about a double life or someone having one foot out the door (whether they are intending that or not...)
So relationships in all of their phases over a period of months and years could be considered more openly a bit like people seem to be ready to talk about sex and the ups and downs of bodies changing from puberty onward and yet also factoring in cultural and religious beliefs, practices, limitations and laws (even the lack of birth control in many countries and faiths or only limited forms such as abstinence of condoms etc that prevent the fertilization of the egg since that may be a time of a spiritual indwelling in a fertilized egg and again with that sense of 'informed consent' could be explored even as a theory. Every woman could be given more guidance in considering 'what does that mean to her' as a person and in her social circle...would her society provide support for her if she kept a pregnancy even if unintended...and even if due to rape by a stranger, or person she knows or is related to?
Knowing the reasons and options early on in life could help some females feel it is not their fault if a pregnancy occurs not of their own choosing...and to not feel they have to get an abortion if they feel their are reasons they may not want one. In domestic violence situations, a woman may be forced to have an abortion or to keep a pregnancy and have the child (or maybe adopt the child out...) There have been cases where a woman has been killed because she is pregnant (or even after having an abortion a man demanded... which seems more bizarre than the abuse which is mainly about control Many people may 'become someone completely different' when having sex or becoming a parent --male or female--(and not always in a good way or conscious way... which can be a problem) or getting into an close relationship or maybe have many different sides to them. So nothing about relationships is child's play and again can be a dangerous aspect of life. A man controlling a woman he has children with can be a risk to all involved. The US tends to ignore the warning signs but places like SafeandTogetherInstitute.com are trying to help societies around the world focus on the controlling decisions a man makes and hold him accountable for his choices to put people at risk of harm, and protect a mother to keep their children safe and together with her. We have a long way to go so likely people would be wise until they raise their children before getting legally married more in midlife. I know that sounds radical but it's a safety measure more good guys and smart women may want to think carefully about...and have more screenings for abuse and control histories and patterns so they learn to be as safe as possible and heal what's broken if possible or live apart at times even a short distance apart if need be to have safer homes and ways to navigate matters.
People may want to act and follow through with integrity and support but may not be able to do so without a lot of practice and accountability partners (other than their spouse...so the dynamics do not keep spirally in secret...) Not easy stuff. but okay to come out from under cover and ask for help about 'all and any' concerns whether about foods, moods, dudes or dudettes, kids or elders getting basic care and supervision for their own safety and support and not lost in the shuffle of 'grown up issues.' If people live together and then need to separate that is a serious step and even talking of doing so can be dangerous and difficult...so important for an abused person to have a big support team and safety plan with help from 211.org and as many in her circles as can be trusted to learn and pitch in to help her and the kids. Too often due to fear and overwhelm her own family, friends and support team may evade her requests or not follow through in more than a happenstance manner.
And by the way it's no one's real job to care and coach one woman or mother to the next, so rather than abandon that effort, let's all learn what is needed and be able to give guidance from a shared chart of local resources and paths to try to keep the kids supervised, the house in running order or ways to run in order to have safety daily...and nightly even with places to stay at family, friends or other locations as needed even now and then or for a few days or week. Over time everyone could practice leaving their home to help someone else, to have a vacation or work on a project with others, go to some meetings and such and eventually Fly Solo in terms of being more independent... as in go somewhere by oneself (and that's a bit step if never done, so pace oneself...and let people know one's plan and check in etc.) Hope that's helpful and puts this in perspective for people of all ages...and feel free to PM if there's an issue to talk over, even using fake names and such to figure things out...Lots more on Livfully.org to consider too...
