Oak-tober is here with time to Think About Tough Things just in case...

I wanted to share (with End of Life Doulas but now you wider community too...see Doulagivers.org for the latest offerings, some happen at a savings periodically and there are some free programs online and in person as well as monthly payment plans)...so  I am sharing that I met Lois Schaffer who wrote a moving book, The Unthinkable, a story about her daughter Susie who was a victim of gun violence. Now even though we are all training up for more 'natural causes of death', the honesty about facing a sudden loss, especially one due to violence ( teen burglars in her home who could have fled but one shot her not out of fear) is the kind of thing that impacts a community and makes us all 'stop and think twice about whether health and wealth are really 'enough' to assure safety..it's not.

What is difficult about the loss of Susie, as it represents the thousands of families facing this type of horrific turn of events in our country and around the world, is that there is a great deal of emotion, including much anger and a desire not only for 'justice' but too often a desire to want pain and harm inflicted on the criminal or wrongdoer. That is a human dynamic I think more of society has to think through more carefully and pray long and hard about (and yet many suffering loss and death are more prone to curse the powers that be on earth and in heaven...or wish vile harm to the perpetrators that be...)

While that can be our human nature and somewhat comprehensible reaction..it may be a Dangerous Response on the level of creating more waves of hurt and harm not only toward others but Ourselves and Loved Ones (yes, even our kids or others genetically related to us and those in our close circles who we think of as caring friends and family.)

We Need to ASK THE HARD Questions about our very make-up, our spiritual, energetic and emotional and psychological functioning not only in the moment (and so many people lose their loved ones in haphazard 'accidents' or crimes that pop up without warning, but sometimes even with warning...Some victims were trying to get away or were on the brink or back and forth or were trying to prove their love or not be intimidated or were giving in for safety or who knows what...so there is not really anyway to know for sure how to prevent the violence. However if the victim is known by the perpetrator and there's  a way to Run and Hide from them for weeks, months or even a few years, that's likely a Good Start. Not pretty, not easy yet maybe necessary like averting a natural disaster.

That would mean Breaking Up with someone..and yes, it's almost impossible if the Courts are Not Clear of the Dire Need to Protect Women and Children above old notions of 'a child needs both parents, property needs to be shared equally and so on.." If there is domestic abuse (which Every Couple going to divorce or custody court NEEDS to be screened for at least in online surveys--Separately and safely done without conveying answers to the Other Party when the victim and children still reside with the abuser!!)

Every state varies on whether they 'take violence and abuse, intimidation and control tactics--economic, social, physical, sexual and so on--into consideration..it often is the Dark Ages even if there are clear guidelines to 'get real and keep kids safe and with their protective parent, who is generally The Mother!!' Yes, there are exceptions, but by and large this is not a beauty contest, it's a matter of Life and Death, Survival and Misery...TRY to learn the facts before staying in the zoned out zone, yes?

A different topic is who might be 'wanting their loved one, generally a man to be sperm donor' If there is an accident or violence leaving him in a coma or without long to live? It's a strange question but one every man should consider and weigh in on early in life. There could be a lot to consider in terms of ethics, values, and much more. But at least a man would have had a chance to 'consider something that likely no one would be thinking about or know what to do should life take such a turn. Same goes for a woman in terms of having her eggs extracted...if that would be as possible to do.

Likely if people are in risky professions or activities, they could make plans and follow through in ways that worked for them on many fronts, again not the least of which would be ethical, spiritual and so on. The questions to ask oneself (and research) I have raised at times on this blog. When does Life Begin-- before or at conception? At a certain stage of development in the first days or weeks or months of a fertilized embryo's growth? At a later time of growth or upon the first natural breath? A day or more after birth? Along those lines also for those who are dying, when does the spirit leave the body? Some say it's immediate with the cessation of brain functioning, or the heart stopping.

Others, such as Rudolf Steiner, explore the likelihood a spirit needs three full days to disengage totally from the body. Some say (such as Deepak Chopra) the eldest son should release his parents spirit with an impactful blow to the skull. Not likely to happen much in this country, and again, it would be helpful to know more fully what that is all about... Many say the spirit does exit out through the top of the head, and I believe Deepak wrote ( In Burden of Proof, about life after death) that is why the impact was made.

 In terms of wanting in vitro, I wonder how many people with a terminal diagnosis  or even people who have terminal injuries might be exploring that kind of option with their families in advance. I know of a couple of women who got pregnant (or were pregnant) and got cancer (not terminal)..both of those cases worked out well for both mother and child.

I know of at least one very successful worldly woman who had healthy twins but then got an infection and was gone a few days later. With all of the 'predictable things' we may plan for it's important to remember we likely need to plan for the unexpected as well. The book by Bill Philips is called Expect the Unexpected. Strangely, I loaned the book to another mother who lost her young adult son..and fully expected to get the book back in a month or two..It's been a couple of years and I'm holding out hope.

There is a nice conference with a Steiner Theme at Sunbridge Valley Institute in Chestnut Ridge NY on 11-10 and 11 of 2017, it's about health, education, dying (which they call Threshold work.) Lots of info online from many schools of thought but these are a few I am sharing to get the ball rolling on delicate and even tough topics... hope it's okay and helpful even though difficult to ponder.