Reflections on Memorial Day 2014 in Sharon CT, a teen hero's hometown

I enjoyed seeing country roads lined with green trees and American flags in the towns and on the homes  while I zoomed through Salisbury and Lakeville on the way to Sharon CT this morning to help direct the parade which forms in near the school and makes its festive way down Main Street along the Green. I set up my Turtlemobile (my green Subi small station wagon/Outback with stickers on the back which call out "Teach Your Children Well" --as the words to that song from the 60s go--and 'Courage", "Trust", "Respect"--along the lines of another "Give it, Get It. Got it?" theme for Respect.There's also  "War is Costly, Peace is Priceless" and Sandy Hook Angels--never forget, a light green magnet I got at the Spikes Ride for Sandy Hook. A FOD fest sticker evokes the Daniel Pearl October 10th event for music for peace and freedom that happens worldwide.  A school bus sticker declares "School's Open, Drive Carefully'. I set up my  Turtle Garden Permaculture Awareness bright lime green sign near my Turtlemobile to help cars Slow Down before the parade and for the marchers to feel encouraged by the happy turtle on my sign along with a basket of red, white flowers, yellow marigolds and Johnny-jump ups in a basket. I played the conga drum for 10 minutes which can be heard a half mile away I've been told. But on with the parade. 

I decided to go to the Sharon gathering since I reared our four children in this charming country town. Our son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton lived to be 16 going to the grade school, Sharon Center, through 8th grade and onto Housatonic Valley Regional High School in Falls Village CT, my hometown, before passing away tragically on June 16th, 2009. Kaelan was trying to help a friend who was caught below the Falls of the Housatonic River in Falls Village and Salisbury. Many responders searched for Kaelan who disappeared for a week, but thankfully his friend was saved in a timely manner after the rescue call was made.

While Memorial Day is for Veterans and those serving in the armed forces, I feel it makes good sense to remember the many people who have walked the earth before us and who have journeyed on. Each gives us a testimony of courage to have been born and lived likely with as much courage and talent as they could muster given their upbringing and the times and area in which they lived. Even though Mother's Day is earlier in May, the kind of tribute to mothers the world over in terms of the courage and care they give to their decision and effort to bear a child likely should be noted on all other holidays if not weekly. Life begins with a father and mother 'joining forces' yet needs more and more the 'confirmation' by the mother, not only physically but emotionally and socially. That's still not a given and really is more like 'walking into a strong wind' for many moms and moms-to-be. Not unlike answering a draft or being called into battle, becoming a mother is life-changing in body, mind and social areas. For a father, a similar 'major calling or responsiblity' often happens 'by surprise' and the Reality of being a parent is never the same for any man or woman. There could be countless more supports to address the needs for parents and caregivers of all types, and the numbers of those needing care is only going up in Americal and every other country. 

Meanwhile, piggybacking on this annual gathering of townsfolks and visitors gives me a way to mark the journeys of those in our town and family as well as wider circles who showed a heroic effort to put 'others  and service before self' which is part of the Rotary International motto as well as Scouts and many faiths. I have written poems along these lines, ideally trying to find a balance between giving and receiving, of caring for self and others. The game in life is often changing for many people, so again more responsive helping networks and services would be a boon to every area of society. As I heard the drummer leading the first round of marchers, veterans in uniform with many groups behind them coming down the hill toward a small intersection, I donned my rainbow colored pinwheel to help direct the parade. Suddenly a car was driving toward the parade just behind me. I turned around to face the car and tell them to quickly turn around.

The man driving was telling me he planned to 'just drive up the road to the right of the parade'.  I told him he Had to Stop now and Turn Around. I told him I'd stop the parade long enough for him to do so safety, but there was no point in letting 'just one group go by' as was his idea. He parked behind the Turtlemobile, and I gave the signal for the lead group to continue. The other groups--Scouts, both Boys then Girls, Bicyclists--a modest turn-out but easier competition for nice coin prizes-- followed, then the Sharon Woman's Club (celebrating their 100th year of service in the town), then the Sharon Daycare with little marchers and one or more on trikes. Then there was me, I decided, followed by about a dozen old cars and then the fire trucks and fire company and auxillary.

I had to remind the first car ( a jeep) to hold up a few times as the little tykes tended to trikes and shoelaces, at one point I held the banner so a leader could help a child. Next time, the little ones should go earlier, well before the vehicles (in case you are planning a parade or involved in one.) As I held back crowds from crossing at the end until cars passed, a person told me if I got hurt while in the road, the town would have a lawsuit to face. I mentioned we need about 10 people to really do a good job to the officer on duty. He said he expected three more volunteers who hadn't shown up..so again, more planning would make parades safer for all. And Please, no throwing candy to kids since they end up running into the road to get it!

When I marched, I thought of how our teen son enjoyed these kinds of hometown events, with many of his pals still circling back in their early 20s to keep the tabs on the town happenings. Many are in college now and doing well, yet I heard recently of another young man's passing recently in our area, with no clear cause of death. Our towns feel every loss deeply, especially that of a young person. Sometimes a family has a few challenges all at once, and it takes extra support to pull each member back into the flow of the community. This parade like those in the other parts of the state, seem to be a reassuring time of 'remembrance and we do care about each other and promoting peace in our homes and society, and even abroad'. The gathering by the handsome memorial which lists the names of veterans was crowded by the hundreds attending. Music by the school band, songs from a talented duo each taking a turn at the mic kept the more serious reflections in check with the festive community spirit. More to follow as time allows, but for now, gratitude is shared here for all who served, who lived and faced personal struggles as well as more public ones, and for those who take time to reach out and ask for help and lend a hand while still on land.

"Everybody needs a buddy" and "safety, living, and learning are team sports in school, at home, on the road and in life"! Hugs to each and every this Memorial Day..be a Beauty Ambassador ("You Are Beautiful", as a T-shirt a girl from Middletown at West Farms Mall was wearing (who I just happened to see when I went to the ladies' room-- to me a wink from Kaelan--as part of the campaign to help everyone tune into their potential, their being and their beauty).  I shared with her that Kaelan liked to say that to people and the overall message of 'Be You to Full" inspired the idea to live fully and word 'livfully' for this blog. Andrew whose in the area for the summer shared that Catherine Livfully could make a nice Native-American sounding name for me..so I'm trying out..I think it fits, and feel free to use it for yourself as well, in private, with friends or in public..and thanks for giving credit...I'll be learning more about such shortly and pray we all have enough time to see our dreams come true. A close call when driving with a teen the other day occurred about 12 miles from where we gathered today, at the Rt 7 and Rt 4 intersection, when a car pulled out in front of a car. Thankfully the teen was able to stop and allow the ill-timed passage of the car in front of her.

Angels and the greater good are thanked for protection..and yes, that includes G-d and the manifestations thereof for me. Hope you can be safe and sensible on the road and in life as a legacy to those no longer on the earth plane but likely sending us a lot of love from above. Hugs to all those heaven-held. I trust they can feel our love, including our friend who just got to heaven a few days ago at only 25 years earth years old. We'll miss him but live a little more reverently in these parts for his journey and that of his remarkable family. Our younger daughter 'happened to see' one of the two fellows our son did save and he was doing well. I likewise saw the mom and a few months ago the other young man our son rescued from strong waters, and he's also doing well. The lad that was saved by the rescue team likewise is 'all aces' in terms of getting on well in life and this likely brings a smile to our son's soul. We all aim to forgive whatever mistakes anyone (including ourselves, leaders, legal or social workers, courts, and people of  faith as well as friends and family )made in allowing the tragedy to unfold over many months prior to the loss of our son, who along with his friends, were not supervised or following agreements made in good faith or perhaps were not really aware of the dangers and did not realize they Should Have a Plan with the Right People and Equipment as well as Decent Conditions and again Permission from Parents, Town Guidelines and so on. Kaelan did not judge his friends as not worth trying to save and even 'dying trying to save'. He may have felt responsible for allowing or encouraging his friends to be at, near or in the river. 

But this is where we can all reflect with hindsight, that the miracle of his friends  being saved happened because Kaelan was able to stay on land and pull two out while on shore. The third was NOT able to be saved by someone like Kaelan, a strong swimmer, but in strong currents other than from a rope rescue from above. This difficult but critical information should be shared. It would be hard and almost impossible to Imagine trying not to save a loved one. But we must accept the physical limitations of our bodies and the huge forces of water and forces of nature (in a storm, etc). The safety of every person is hugely important. We need to have more outreach about acting wisely and safely in serious situations. Many times danger arises due to Sudden Conflict, or Love Triangles or Break-Ups (or talk of change). There are many ways we can think things through, but  it is not really any person's job to help families and young people really make sense of emergencies or even 'day to day situations'. Ideally, every home should have a fenced in yard for children and good supervision at all times. For little ones, a play area or play pen can be a helpful way to have a few minutes or longer. We can make a national site to take the guess work out of how to care for someone of any age, with whatever type of limitation or special need they may have. Likely each age group could fine tune points that 'are really needed and would work'. Thanks for doing your part every season of the year and of your life. People caring makes a tree-mend-US  difference!