Serious Simple Ideas to Talk Shop About Safety and Preventing Abuse by Catherine Palmer Paton

I plan to post this on Livfully.org so hope that's helpful...and pace the readings since it's a lot. Maybe take notes too.
There won't be a quiz but Life Is Full of Such Ups and Downs and All-arounds maybe at some point 
for you and others in your community. Let's Dare to Care and Share Info and prevent problems from piling up!

This post was inspired by a tweet I read from See more on LifeChangePlans.com "It's  Post Separation Legal Abuse Not Conflict".. about a woman (in England I think but  also involved Spain)  who kept getting the 'go-around' from a man she lived with who had supported her but then wanted out to be with a former partner from 

many years ago who'd come back into his life. He seemed to give her some hope for support but would then rescind or abusively

swear and tell her the only terms he'd work by. She was making the point that the courts which did look at some of the terms (which 

in some countries may not add up to much if people are not legally married or have children together) were not allowing her   evidence of the offers or abuse

to be factored into a determination. Mainly people do not leap into the prospect of being homeless and it's not clear what systems would support a person losing

a homebase and some support in any country, but especially one with a colder climate and limited support systems. I hope more people 'of means' will look at other posts

 and realize many "gated communities" are planned and rewarded for keeping people out rather than allowing many people to access services and places to live or even camp legally.

I explore on this blog how more ideas and ways to help people face matters with more mental and social support as well practical help could alleviate the pressure cooker many are tossed into or find themselves in when serious changes are made by one or more people in their support circle for any number of reasons.

Timing and having 'at least 6 months but even 4 or 2' could be something a community strives to assist people with, especially with housing for women, men, children (with their Moms or thereabouts) and Dads and their kids in more monitored settings etc. So much that people are facing even without a major 'blast' such as a separation (or legal divorce) and lots could be shared about that in general for people not to feel 'they have the world on their shoulders or against them' when they are needing more help than ever.

This kind of topic is buzzing in headlines from The Epoch Times ( 3/22/23)-
-"Family Court Judges Send Children Into Danger, Investigations Show" by Alice Giordano... sadly about the 
alarming warnings of violence against women and children (even non-physical forms but 
plenty of those too on all levels, plus a lot of intimidating violence and threats...) who don't 
live to tell the tale and 'get to the other side'...for their survival, healing and New Life..

(Added note I saw Actors Laura Dern and her Mom on TV today speaking of their new book which sounds like they
were sharing honestly when the Mom Jessica was given a short time to live. She has since been in movies! Laura 
was in the movie Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore which  her Mom was in. Laura liked the team spirit of making a movie and got 
hooked. Her Mom thought she should do something serious and not be judged by her looks, but Laura was bit by the acting bug.)

I'm sharing this to remind people in any kind of relationship or interaction with others that 'not 
everyone is playing with a full deck and guidelines to be respectful, reasonable, get help and 
make amends on some level--not necessarily file charges or have systems involved since sadly 
many times that goes South in a heartbeat.

 The idea of communities being wiser and preventing 
cycles of abuse and adding to the harm victims face would be a great start and place to 'tend the 
garden of care and awareness..." 

There's the overall problem of poverty as well or not being able to 
afford to live in safe homes and communities, isolation (that one can be addressed with more online 
support and checking in via text or phone with others, or at least journaling and having access to 
radio, TV or again online with internet.) 

That could be a goal for each community and of course libraries, 
faith groups and other civic programs and the public and private schools could help Bridge the Gaps 
in understanding what people are likely to face based on their ages, gender, ability and lots more. I 
explore many of these age-old yet still in the shadows topics on Livfully.org.

 There are forums for healing
 such as Jenn McLean and Humanity's Team (The Shift Network), DuluthModel.org and much more on 
my  blog to help people feel somewhat tuned in and able to 'take the ball and run with it...' The kinds of 
abuse and trouble people may run into may be in their families of origin, with their partner or others close to 
them, with their own children and extended family, in social circles at work or in a hometown area or another 
faith, club or forum...something one is regularly part of or even as a newcomer joining in.

 These could all be 
mapped out and qualified with the kinds of 'boundary violations' that may be helpful for all to review...and 
for a few 'monitors' to be available (or various genders and ages etc) for people to be able to speak with via 
text even during a meeting for support or for more info afterward. Any kind of derogatory comments or 
unfriendly behavior can be a cause for a group or person to be concerned. 

Someone may be having a stressful time, 
not be clear on how to process their own feelings and actions due to lack of info or support, someone could have a short-term
 medical condition (low sodium, UTI--urinary tract infection, blood sugar imbalance...too high or too low, blood pressure or other 
imbalance, mental health or substance use concern/ effect whether from a legal or illegal product and maybe to Hungry, Angry, 
Lonely, Tired (HALT) or have more concerns than even they are aware of.

 For that reason it makes sense to have 'buddy systems ' of 
some kind if dealing with a challenge or taking a drive or trip. More support for 'opening doors, setting up meetings and cleaning up, as 
well as 'check in breaks' with others during a conversation or time of sharing (2-5 min per person if able to understand the reason to do so.)

Or there can be longer times for one or each person to share (10-20 min each taking turns, but helpful to really time and clarify that...) or even longer if tending 
to be in a place where people may be interacting in a setting where they could spend time together (watching a show or doing something but not talking
much...) or if open to talking for an hour or more, even take a 10 min break on the hour and let people 'pick up or switch roles' as makes sense. 

Letting someone 'have their say' may be best done by having them take time to 'write out their concerns or ideas' with a support person (not the one
they are negotiating with.) That could take an hour or more and be worth looking at over the course of a week or two for a few hours at a time even 'if there's that 
time window."

 If they involve immediate living concerns like housing, affording housing or other basics, and any social interactions (again, limiting direct speaking 
without parameters of safety such as 'on the phone' in different homes, or in the same one with support people (on speaker phone), or even just between two people 
at set times (or a way to leave messages via email or again in a journal one can take a picture of and send to the other person or keep track of dialogues, send to 
other parties for added insights and verifications and so on.)

If one is paying by the hour for legal or social service help, that can add up rather quickly. Yet there 
could be a great benefit to people having more support and reviewing cases to see what worked for people to map out valid options (whether for adult or childcare or elder care 
or other responsibilities such as for housing, pets, food and transportation, school and hobby costs.) 

Any person or family would be wise to 'map their life out on paper' and 
find support for each person to be able to clarify their own responsibilities (with checklists or their own system) and more people who could take over one or more aspects as needed 
to help a system stay running smoothly during any kind of transition. I will post this on Livfully.org to help me remember these ideas and with AI there'll be a ton of checks and balances (and early war

 Okay lots more to ponder but this is a good start for all women, kids and fellows and others too from the one to the small group to the town and the wider range of humanity....How do you like that cup of tea? See more on LifeChangePlans.com "It's  Post Separation Legal Abuse Not Conflict"