Times of Remembrance of Tom, Kaelan, and Others..The Meanings and Connections

When My Friend and Home Care Client Tom Drew Went Missing July 21, 2007 just before The Petit Family Tragedy, And Later When Our Teen Son Kaelan Crossed Over June 16, 2009-Reflections and Lessons yet to be shared

A day of learning for US All nine years ago today.. when Tom Drew, 91, went missing in Salisbury Ct 7-21-07 at about 7:20pm...and another sadly when the Petit Family suffered their tragedy on the following two days, on 7-22 and 7-23-07. Other posts on this blog and in the media review the main points of the situations as well as that of my son Kaelan trying to rescue a friend from the Housatonic River near the Falls in Falls Village and Salisbury CT.

There is a Facebook page in Kaelan's memory and maybe one could be done for Tom Drew with published articles in one place and allow more discussion for the community to improve support for elders and those with dementia or other needs. Sincere condolences are extended to his family members and all who also feel the loss of his presence in the community he made his home and enjoyed until his unusual wandering from his home which occurred in about a 10 minute window of him telling me he was going out, which was permissible and generally meant he'd be near the front step area. When I checked initally the door was locked, so thought he was upstairs using his bathroom since he was not downstairs.

When I went up to check a few minutes later, and found the bathroom and upstairs empty, my heart sank and I suddenly felt he could be in trouble or missing.

The patio door from the kitchen downstairs had the screen shut but not the door, so I realized he must have gone out that way. When I ran around the house however, there was no sign of him. I gave extensive reports to responders and in a deposition months later. I have recounted this off the top of my head to help people review what 'really happened' and realize every allegation aside from that is not anything I have said.

Some reports say that I 'changed my story' but that has never been my experience or those who interviewed me and have publicly said I have given a credible accounting of events. I  was part of the search and returned to offer support and had one dog rescuer see that the key did not work in my car trunk which was another concern publicized.

My car was searched by police much later (including with sprays to detect any human cells) after the trunk lock was fixed and I had it for months before selling it to a junk yard. I had asked them to verify my trunk was not operational the night he was missing in case anyone should ever wonder, and more than once the police assured me that would not be an issue.

These kinds of 'small points' likely merit someone having an attorney but also their own 'verification team' perhaps comprised of community members who feel they would be ready to engage in such a situation whether a missing person or any kind of actual accident or crime scene. In the case of our son dying, no parents or adults were interviewed in an orderly fashion to highlight that a group of minors were unsupervised at a highly dangerous area during the day. Only now am I understanding that the Drew sisters, the daughters of Tom Drew, insisted the police were not doing their utmost from the beginning by not treating the case as a crime from the beginning. Likely it would have been helpful to do so to allay their fears that I had done anything inappropriate. I highly doubt anything could have been planned by the other caregiver. He had trouble recounting the time he left for the day.

A neighbor said he heard me calling for Tom a few days prior, but I did not work or visit then. Other allegations surfaced and none were well-founded. I would think a small team of competent people could review the investigation and summarize on what grounds leads were pursued. The idea that someone would harm Tom after he left on foot seems highly unlikely. Overall there is a lot for anyone to consider in terms of their own practices about being out and about no matter what age or competency. Atl least leave a note of one's walk or basics of one's day and carry a cell phone. More on that in other posts and some to follow or google ideas, but think realistically and positively (and pro-actively.)

That is something that all parents and school personnel  as well as town, state and national guidelines could seek to remedy with recommendations if not fines for benign neglect or risk of injury to a minor, or worse. With all due respect to family members, basically more clear guidelines need to be developed and followed for all with compromised health and mental health or addiction conditions. Medical doctors could work with social workers to recommend care guidelines and independent living should not be promoted if one is not competent.

Partial coverage or less than 24-7 should not be allowed with many conditions that likely millions permit due to lack of understanding or lack of support or cooperation from the person needing care. There are hurdles sometimes to securing appropriate interventions and care but overall, a watchful community could provide trained volunteers to monitor and assist, and ideally families and other supports could fund such endeavors on some level. Home care is more affordable to all parties more than nursing home care, and even there, more advocacy for care is likely needed.

The Petit Family Foundation has raised millions to help people so in a way that can count toward the loss that our community felt when Tom wandered off. Likely many thousands if not a million has been expended to searching in case there was foul play  after he left his quiet remote home or if he could have been found in the area since he most likely only traveled by foot.

Still, the overall publicity and ongoing theories, even if very extreme and unlikely, could pertain to anyone disappearing in the country (or world).

The main message should be more accountable as individuals and let people one can really trust know of one's routines and if taking a trip. Then buddy systems for daily living and paying bills and getting to appointments (especially if having imminent symptoms of a heart attack or other serious illness, even a bad flu etc) so one is Not Driving oneself and does get good follow-up care.

Buddy systems overall for planning at all stages of life (including making wills and having health representatives with clear written guides about when and if to use life support or be revived all need to be done by all people.)

Managing smaller matters particularly for those in need, if aging with signs of needing 24-7 (which should be a given for any signs of dementia with no time not covered and ideally with fenced in yards and door alarms etc and two live-in caregivers if possible, etc). Well, we have time still to apply lessons we have all learned from close calls or difficulties of a more serious nature.

Thanks to all who care for others and even themselves, even for asking for help early on if there are concerns. Rescuers and volunteers in all walks of life, are also appreciated. Our son Kaelan risked his life and ended up giving his life (according to one psychic's message) when pushing his friend to safety to buy him another few precious moments.

All of that was in God's hands and was reflective of the kind of love and skill Kaelan had to fight for a friend and a miracle. That was on 6-16-09, seven years ago, so we again have time to listen to our hearts and think of appropriate responses individually and collectively.

These two people, Tom and Kaelan, were instrumental in my life journey, as one's caregiver and one's mother. Each person who knew either or who was moved by their life stories and unusual turn of events marking their final days of known life on this earth, can draw on their insights for their journeys and maybe be blessed by their example of lives well-lived in caring communities.

Let's all try to learn and grow from the uphill battles we find ourselves in and consider there may be 'a reason that is not clear at the time' but may be part of our soul's inner growth and our collective wisdom. Peace and love to all caring about loved ones here and in the beyond and always, in our hearts...Let the candles that are lit when others might curse the darkness enliven our hearts and minds..