Turtle Garden Circle of Friends (TGCOF) Social Networking Ideas by Catherine Palmer Paton

Part One:

Like many of these posts, they grow over time..so pace yo'self. I will put in a few breaks and encourage you to 'make it your own' to work for you.

Turtle Garden Circle of Friends (TGCOF) is an idea hatching out after living in many wonderful circles of friends over the past five decades and learning from many others. Sometimes folks don't know 'why this matters' or 'how it could be helpful'. I learned from many people over the years from family to friends, school groups and more, about how connecting with others can be a great part of life.

Time alone has its benefits too, and finding a balance that works for each person and family is becoming a fine art. I was a recreation director in a small town and aimed to coordinate all the local efforts at a library, town pool area and basic offerings on a calendar. Now most places have online groups and sites for interests, areas, and programs.

This post is to encourage people to join in the fun of crafting social circles and routines that work to help them feel connected with others who share similar paths whether caregiving, interests or being neighborly. A little background on me may fill in some idea of how I got to thinking along these lines and eager to promote 'what worked for me' over my life.

Thanks too to all who have been part of my journey and those chiming in online as kindred cultural and social creative folks or Turtle Gardeners (staying aware of nature, one's home and area, sharing the path in calm and peaceful ways, providing for ways for everyone to be a winner with that 'slow and steady' winning attitude for our human race and having fun as most critters seem to do so feel free to 'make this your own' whether with a song, a poem, a new friend, a play or art space in your home, a comment or bigger venture in your area alone or with a friend.'

(Another post speaks about actually making  Turtle Garden as a kind of game or permaculture project with an idea for designing or planning to work with nature, others and share in the fun.)

I actually grew up in a large family, and attended a grade school with the primarily the same 20  plus kids for 9 years in a  very rural school in CT with about 160 students.

Then we went to a regional high school meeting students from five other 'small towns' in a  hundred mile span for a total of about 450. For my second year of high school, I went to a large school in New Haven CT as well as dance program (Educational Center for the Arts for dance.) No more track, soccer, musicals or even chorus, but a great youth program every Sunday for area teens. Then onto Fairfield CT's large high school where my main activity was being editor of a small student poetry magazine (and studying to get to Vassar where it was all about socializing and studying to be a teacher. I landed at a nature center for twenty years back in the small towns, rearing four kids and then spending a year in Brooklyn NY, 'a whole new (wonderful) world' with more kids and families than a recreation-phys ed, dancer, people person can imagine.' 

Part Two:

One idea to complement a playgroup, library or school club or other program in the local area is to have families visit at a playground or outdoor area for an hour near the time of the event during nice weather.

To get some quickstart inspiration look up what the ideas behind the following are:

(Pardon the formatting, this thing seems to drive itself sometimes!)

 https://www.girlguides.ca (Girl Guides of Canada,

like Girl Scouts of America, or Boy Scouts of America).

Think of most public schools, faith groups, and recreation and sports programs.

Now think small to when the very young. Who is inviting

their parents to join together? Starting with a once-a-month

gathering for children of each age or for each grade level.

These 'once a month gatherings' could be on the

2nd Saturday of the month, for instance.

They could be held at a library or public area from 3 to 5pm.

(Many people need to relax on the weekend, even catch up on Sleep!)

That time could also be used for after school events, so that's why it may be helpful.

 If people then wanted to meet weekly, that could happen

on Saturdays in general (to allow working parents more of a chance to attend.)

Another option would be Wednesdays monthly or weekly.
Twice a week gatherings could meet on Wed and Sat. Perhaps starting with

a phone call or emails or FB page makes sense to see

what is happening in one's area with others.

These might start as checking in times for 10 minutes with each other,

then finding ways to connect as works for people.

This plan is an example of how to begin finding a time

and place that would work for one or more groups.

Once the ideas catch on, particularly for children under age 5

who might still be home or new in the are, that can be very helpful.

Pairing up families with another who has a child, likely the same

gender or who lives near the family, could be another helpful

goal of many networks.

Buddy Systems for information or to check in monthly

and maybe do a simple project together over the course of a few months

(share a meal, go to park, make a seasonal craft ) could be options to build

up team spirit.

The difference between a few contacts and no contacts,

or a few advocates amidst a sea of 'a new class or area, or even

one has been in but seems to be busier than not' can be a bonus

to many.

More samples will be in another post and you are welcome

to share 'what works' for you in other groups as well.

 Again, it is important to clarify to parents and caregivers, teachers

and others that these are Independent, Voluntary Efforts.

Perhaps recreation programs in each town could use this model

 to begin such socials and offerings for the

younger members of the community, including infants and toddlers.

Networking is important even for expectant parents, (often that happens with a

second child but why wait til Then?

Maybe more parents hatching out babies could

attend story hours and visit playgroups to meet more experienced parents...

 Part Three: 

The networking efforts could also be promoted for or started by people in their

20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and so on.

Some faith groups like the Brooklyn NY Unitarian Church 

offers something for  Youth and 20s and 30s for instance. Who hasn't heard of AARP for those

50 and over (usually by the time one if 45), but every decade brings its own opportunities.

But for now, we'll focus on the youth and their caregivers who are responsible

for minors at least until age 18 or thereabouts depending on state  guidelines

and laws and any court orders regarding custody.

There could be some practical sharing also.

Legal rules for instance may extend to contributing to a college or providing 

for other cash or care through an extended age or age 23 or older (and even having

life insurance on one or both parents.)More people could have

Voluntary Parenting Plans to clarify on paper where a child lives,

attends school, and their activities and basic yearly schedule and trips.

Safety rules for being with others could be shared

among states and areas to help prevent mixed messages.

Youth could be taught to check in regularly also even through

the teen years and mostly be supervised.

Likely many groups have formed online (I've heard of "Find Your Tribe" online

help and still might look that up.)

But meanwhile, it's okay to review options and find ways to enjoy your days

with a sense of team (knowing there are Others basically just like you doing

the caregiving and child rearing thing)

even if it's hard to connect in person. This hopefully could

make it more possible to do so...In terms of piggybacking an event to extend social time or add activities, here are some options.

Sometimes the hour before may work, but likely for most situations, the hour after would flow more readily (with snacks or more for one's brood if getting near a meal time.)

In some cases an alternative play area or event could happen if the existing one is 'too full' or not quite suited to one's situation yet timed to correlate for networking after (or before if not both for Some People to enjoy a flexible way to get to something and connect with Some People.)

 Part Four:

For instance if a  play group has two sessions, from 9:30am to 11:30am and 11;30am-1:30pm then more famlies could enjoy the one that suits them, maybe some 9:30am times and some 11:3am times during the week (if it is running 5 days a week.)

If the number of spots to sign up for that (with or without a fee and with a co-op of parents taking responsibilities if not hired out or done with a non-profit etc) then families who want to meet at that time could do so at a playground near that play group or in their local area. Meeting at a library might also be a good option or other public setting.

Those who Are in the playgroup sessions indoors, could plan to meet  outdoors at a nearby park at 10:30 to 11:30 if in the second session that starts at 11:30am (or after their session from 1:30-2:30 with the Do What Works even with a small group.) 

The idea might be to meet  from 11:30am to 12:30p (or longer) if their morning session indoors ended at 11:30am. As people build up a network of even one or two friends, they can agree to take turns caring for each other's children. Likely checking with local and state regulations would be very helpful, particularly if anyone were getting paid to care for another person.

Often a person can care for a child in the child's home without too much regulation, but caring for other people's children in one's own home is a different matter. Again for starting out, sticking to public areas and group gatherings can be helpful to explore options and get to know each other. 

If a story hour meets at 10:30 to Noon at a library but some parents prefer outdoor time, they could meet at a playground or other available space (perhaps a church hall could be rented or used with special insurance or be a mission or outreach from the church, a non-profit or the town.)

The idea of matching Inputs (things people need or want to live, enjoy life and feel valued) and the Outputs (things people make, do or want to contribute) could be matched up among individuals and groups in an area.

When a few people are given a chance to reflect on these ideas, often many creative efforts begin to emerge along with people who are willing to try some ideas out and help lead the way and pitch in to make things work on a volunteer basis.

Business groups and others may be interested in pitching in some money to help fund some PR or T-Shirts to help promote community-minded efforts as well.

 Part Five:

Using natural resources of daytime, warmer weather, natural landscapes and public places or those that can be rented or possibly shared voluntarily) are all underlying key points to keep in mind. Any idea or plan could be as simple or more detailed as someone or a group or area would like to explore and try out.

There are ideas on the Turtle Garden Permaculture Game (google and on this blog) which cold be enjoyed as well as used to think about designing any project whether a garden or way to get people together for community-building.

The permaculture guiding ethics of  people care, earth care and resource share are introduced in that game and are part of this idea as well. The permaculture principles of 'conserving energy, using many people and resources in helpful ways to meet basic needs of people and to care for the earth are also ones we can appreciate in these important ecological times. More information about those ideas can be found on www.gaia.org

This parent, caregiver, and family networking can start at anytime with a few people doing that and inviting others with a simple flyer or text to join in the fun. If people want to form a story time with simple music, nursery rhymes, storytelling or reading of books, that could be planned as in the examples below.

 In addition to having larger mixed-gender circle time for 10-20 minutes (or longer depending on the age), having a circle time for a certain age (1 yr olds, 2 yr olds etc), then another for boys and one for girls can help parents and caregivers get to know who their child might enjoy playing with.

Getting input from those interested such as caregivers, parents, grand parents, family members and friends as well as local arts, education and business groups could help spur offerings and even free talent (or reasonably priced) organizers and educators joining in the venture.

Some states and cities have strict rules about any kinds of gathering (some requiring someone to have a separate insurance policy or even their homeowner's policy as grounds to host an event.) That is why a greater awareness of where people Can Gather legally and practically would be a great resource to any community.

 The manner of conducting any kind of program generally has to be reviewed by a governing body, so again to make inroads for new people who may want the opportunity and benefit of networking, taking time to explore these issues would be helpful for a group of people to pursue.

In addition, reviewing terms about 'safe church policiies' regarding watching young children and minors and even interacting with other adults in public places or in caregviing situations would make sense.

Part Six:

Some states such as CT generally require two adults to supervise children at all times, while NY State may only require one adult to supervise even young children. Home day cares, private schools, schools, faith groups, libraries, medical facilitites, recreational and scouting groups all have their own criteria to be informed about before doing too much of any formalized programming. I am not promoting any particular gatherings or endorsing anyone's efforts.

I would encourage people to come up with their own names for their groups and programs. Identifying the state then the town and more particular group as seems safe and appropriate (or maybe doing so with a code) can help people feel included in one's outreach and program. For TGCOF NY Brooklyn, that would be an outreach to Brooklyn NY. In terms of having groups for certain ages, that could be with birth year  (and 1 yr olds, 2 yr olds, etc).

Part Seven: (This part if very optional but maybe helpful as one is organizing various activities. 

Males could be listed at 1Gu (for guys) and Females as 2Ga (for gals) or if people prefer, B for Boys and G for Girls. The first is to give some politically mostly correct options.

Along with that could be 1Male or 1Mal for Males and 2Females or 2Fem for Females, and I have another post on this blog with many variations on that theme, with more transgender notations and other as well (and am open to feedback on all of the above.) Some refer to 'born as' and 'identifies as', or again, terms could be made to clarify such things as may be helpful for gathering information and providing networks and outreach.

The abbreviations of Ma and Fe get a little confusing, but by all means the book is not closed on terms. The idea of acknowledging gender is not always deemed helpful or appropriate. yet for females to feel more empowered (and safe even in terms of a male partner not feeling concerned about a woman being around other men or having girls and boys in a program together at various ages )sometimes it is helpful to have a an all-female gathering.

The caregivers, whether parents, family, nannies, sitters or friends or program leaders etc, deserve consideration of options for networking, Depending on religious, cultural or other physical or social factors, some people may prefer to meet with a smaller group, one in their area, one of a certain gender, religion or social group. Consideration for differences of opinion (DOO) for relating to young children can be helpful early on or in timely manner.

These may include having awareness of  schedules (or a family's routines, children's naps, transition times and have time to share needs easily.) If some believe in being  a 'strict disciplinarian' (with time outs and any put-downs or spanking, that likely would be important to have a couple of adults discuss in advance with the group as to options to refrain from that particularly in a group setting.

Encouragaing a variety of ways for supervising children can be helpful (people taking turns helping with a few children in an activity area, on the playground, having buddy systems for a short program etc, helping a caregiver of more than one or with doors, etc can help people pitch in.

 Reviewing some age appropriate expectations and ways to handle more difficult behaviors among children (hitting, biting, misbehaving)  can nip problems in the bud or prevent repeat situations.

All caregivers could be encouraged to have respectful consequences for a child rather than yelling or hitting the child/ren. The boundaries among adults need to be clear yet flexible to allow discussion with a couple of group coordinators to assist with any concerns or needs that arise to help everyone feel more secure about gatherings.

 Part Eight:

These ideas can be used in a flexible way by the people gathering. An hour of social time could include the first 15 min for boys to have a circle time or activity, then 30 min for all the children to be together in circle or play time, then 15 min for the girls to have a circle time or activity.

Another idea is to have a half hour for the boys then a half hour for the girls. If a program were meeting more than once a week, then one time it could run like that and another be more of a blended group time. Mothers and caregivers could be encouraged to network along with the girls and fathers and caregivers along with the boys, and then of course, they could alternate as is appropriate.

Another way to help groups find some focus points would be to have children born in the winter and spring or in the summer or fall gather. Sonetimes this would indicate whoe would be attending pre-school, kindergarten and other school or community programs together.

Some schools have September age enrollment date while others have one in December, so that could be considered as well. In many states a school register is informed about a child's birth to be able to do outreach about when a child is qualified agewise to attend kindergarten (or pre-K).

Most states have a Birth to 3 program to help children with developmental needs. The more all parents and caregivers can work to create natural networks informed about programs for children at each age and stage of life, the more children and families can be served.

. Perhaps because there are a few hoops to jump through (and sometimes fees or rental costs and more paperwork and commitments needed) people often feel 'it's just too much.' That may be the case for one or a few people yet when meeting needs, that is a great business model. When helping people learn and grow, those are good motivators with many positve spill-over or gardening effects. 

While most of us know about planting seeds and small gardens of plants or to save and create habitat for animals to thrive, sometimes the 'job or opportunity' of welcoming new people into a community or enhancing the social networks and opportunities for all youth or people of a certain age or interest groups falls to a few people who are 'in charge' or legally elected or selected to do certain jobs.

Welcome one and all to the idea that 'everything gardens' (has a life and growth process and cycle, is part of a living set of systems that work better with more connections and mutual understanding.)

 Part Nine:

For starters, most people like the idea of helping a family welcome a new member, usually a child (but sometimes a family member or friend who needs some support or is new to an area, maybe having some change or challenge that means reaching out for ideas, jobs, ways to earn and learn, feed and nourish oneself and others.

Even to enjoy the seasons and years of one's life in local community or take some trips or make connections with another group or area is sometimes more fun to do in teams (or two or more.) Lots can be done on one's own, yet even then, making a few or more friends along the way can be enriching.

While some areas do not have a high population to serve which can create challenges, some cities or programs may have a surplus of consumers or clients wanting to 'make music together', have a spot in a playgroup, a play, a sports program or daycare, a pre-school, elementary, high school or college.

Sounding familiar to anyone's experience? With a little teamwork perhaps more goals could be met such as helping more people feel informed and included in what an area has to offer. We may need to create a few new ways to relate to one another online or on the phone (or by texting on cell phones) or even in person.

Whenever a group is meeting already, that can provide a basis to socialize before or after the meeting time in the same location, outdoors or nearby depending on what is within the guidelines of the program and what group members are up for doing.

Not all groups would want to encourage such networking and of course some are based on anonymity, so again all facets of these kinds of 'great ideas' need to be 'weighed and measured' with people encouraged to Do What Works for Them Individually.

inter months. If enough people are interested and able to commit to six months to a year's worth of planning perhaps another playgroup modelled after the initial one could be started. Many programs for even young children are based in an outdoor setting if the weather is reaonable, even year-round. We can consider 'the world our playground, learning space and collective home setting.'

Before inviting someone into one's personal home or a more private area, many factors could be considered such as the safety of all people (making certain things are child-proofed from hard floors and appropriate chairs or any hazards, stove knobs, electrical outlets and wiring for computers, smoke alarms and CO detectors, and of course,permission from the owners of the residence and parents of all children and minors.

Then the good sense to avoid having people who have been ill or have any contagious condition come into the home if not necessary makes sense. That may include any concern of bed bugs (a growing problem in many areas of the country and in cities.)

Learning the protocol for treatment of one's person and home is very helpful for people to know about well before there may be an issue since the process can be costly and timely. That said, if people can socialize and be flexible in terms of their schedules and having back-up plans as desired, promoting good relationships and consistent activities and places for young children to visit can be a positive game plan to help them and their caregivers grow roots in their community.

Trying out a plan for a few weeks or months then branching out to another area is a natural way to develop networks. It is important to clarify that these are Independent Voluntary Efforts that are Not Sponsored by Any Educational, State or Faith Group (as far as that is the case) and that Parents and Responsible Adults are to supervise the children (ideally with a 1-1 or 1-2 or 3 ration) to keep track of youth efficiently.

Only safe, public areas should be used for group gatherings until more people are clear about what would be involved in having play times at someone's home.

Again, there are legal matters to consider such as homeowners insurance or waivers, and if in the country to be clear about 'driving other people's children' in terms of having permission and appropriate insurance, being safe, sober and obeying laws and having car seats and seat belts that are working well and up to code.

If there were ever animals such as dogs, cats and other domestic pets being brought to events (if allowed) again, people would want to make sure they were up on their shots and clear of any concerning illness or matter. Dogs in the south, for instance, may carry a virus that needs special attention.

Many schools and programs have safety protocol regarding not having personal items from home which may be valuable, somewhat dangerous or prone to being borrowed or loaned out among children without adult knowledge. Even playing with sticks or other potentially harmful objects are closely monitored or disallowed if there are concerns.

These potential guidelines are shared to inform more caregivers of what school age children or day care kids may be accustomed to and what many adults may be expecting even at people's homes in terms of accountabiilty.

Safety of children and others has to be a priority whether needing to screen for allergies, toxic plants, concerns with pets or ever leaving children or others who are not independent unattended (which should not be done and often is illegal, particularly in any kind of car.) 

When there are many people who may want to have more formalized gathering times for not only children of each age (starting with expectant parents and infants, 1 and 2 year olds on up through school ages) a more comprehensive schedule could be made.

I have taken the liberty of designing an example of a schedule anyone can use at home or with a few others or on a larger scale as a guide to help keep the traffic flow of people practical and beneficial.

Getting to know people of the same age, some of the same or different genders, some a bit older and younger and also provide time for caregivers to network whether parents, grandparents, child caregivers and nannies, family members and others, even pets can all be tailored to fit a group's interests.

In a community with many parks such as in a city area, local teams can plan what will work for a set of 10-20 families. Then ideally another group could form after that, so the numbers remain somewhat helpful for people to keep track of who is in their social circle and the next one over.

Larger gatherings or other projects could help people network. Often with sports or arts programs the talents and resources get combined with specific goals and time frames in mind.

These ideas are to help everyone feel more included from the get-go. Some studies indicate there are great differences among the resources available to youth and others depending on their residency. The gaps in achievement of young students in 1st grade are showing up even earlier and those tend to widen over time.

That indicates that more people could take time to address such matters in a pro-active manner. Some states are promoting policies to insist on better programming for all students, but in terms of when that will be done and how is not clear. Meanwhile every generation is being given greater technology but also more challenges so working as teams over the age groups makes more sense than ever.