Will All Abusive Folks Please Just Stop? How About Get Curious like this is a Dream (or Nightmare) in a Play...and Rewrite the Bad Scenes or At Least Don't Repeat Them (or Deny or Justify them.) Thanks, from All Victims, Kids and Pets

So the topic du jour, distracting us in many ways from Climate Change Concerns and the Melting Glaciers as well as NoLiesRadio.com or org...is (drum roll because this has been in need of healing for a long time...) the secrecy and craziness of all things abusive whether to kids, women, men, pets, possesions, community groups and schools, work places, towns, cities, states and oh yes, countries.. we can heal what we can feel..we can walk away and also Learn from the Past so it is not revisited on younger generations or newcomers or even elders who also are ripe for neglect and mistreatment.

Overall everyone needs and deserves a very  functional team of support..and mostly those are MIA..Missing In Action, woefully and likely intentionally so since 'it's like trying to catch a ferret amidst a bunch of parked cars with open doors...he could be in and out of any of them and hiding in yet another. But even with all of that malarchy ingrained in our cultures (which I have shared likely have silenced generations of children who were taught to look but don't see, listen but don't hear, talk but don't say anything meaningful or even attest to The Truth.

By the way we learned a lot about the passion of some of the countries that were taken over by Russia after World War II today in a sermon about the importance of telling the truth, not being led and fed by a totalitarian regime and propaganda that claimed they alone had The Truth (or Pravda). The re-education of those countries was intense for 50 years, from 1949-89, then on November 17th, 1989, a huge protest in honor not of those against the historical Nazi takeover but against the regime led eventually to  hard-won freedome from Russia for Yugoslavia, Czechoslavakia and Yugoslavia, Hungary, Poland and so on. The talk insisted that no one owns the truth, the truth exists in and amongh human beings who can give expression to it.

The analogy was drawn to the spiritual importance of telling the truth that Jesus shared, the Golden Rule and the higher spiritual calling to overcome base desires or crimes against humanity since that harms not only the body but the spirit.I think in this day and age we need to allow for a diverse peaceful co-existence and consider that many good works have contributed to turning the wheel of history like spokes of a wheel. We are connected yet distinct not only as various cultures and faiths but as people.

Yet to help the wheel go round, we are all needed to give our support and energy. Similarly like the poles in a teepee holding the canvas up to create a living space, we can be distinct yet join our efforts together as the Lakota have shared in their teachings. Most native people in North America and likely around the world create the code to live in harmony with others and nature and the planet. We need the synergy to create and enjoy lives of meaning and fairness.

The idea of The Commons is that there is a natural set of resources and shared interest in maintaining clean air, water, soil and oceans (and icebergs) as well as other resources for all to have a decent standard of living. We of course want to highlight the social capital and needs of each pregnant mother and their expectant partner and family and friends who can help the new family thrive over many years.

The time flies by even if some days and weeks it seems at a stand still with days feeling like nights and weeks dragging on for months...until things move along and then we question when did that new person born a few years get to be a little person that can walk, talk or otherwise grown into a bigger person with all the bells and whistles. With technology, some say we'll all be chipped or plugged in to a computer more than some of us are already glued to our screens. I think the term is Cyborgs--coined in 1960 for cybernetic organism..that is both biological and has technological components.

I read about it in my Vassar Alumni Magazine which had a picture of a person with an antennae type device that was implanted in their brain (if memory serves..and yes the Simon and Garfunkel song comes to mind.'and the vision softly creeping...left its seed while I was sleeping..and the Vision (or computer chip) that was planted in my brain, still remains... 'neath the sounds of silence...which may speak to how we remain mum about most of this stuff. Good Ol' Silence works like a charm to maintain the status quo don't cha know..if not by threat than by shame. Whatever the name of the ...you know, Game!

Well here's another post shared on the Robinhood Radio 103.3 FM in CT (NPR's smallest radio station..you gotta love that even when the topics get real but why not sound the alarm even if five decades late..better late than never..and this is about the sexual and other forms of abuse youth..and others suffer Throughout America..one of those 'no where to run to, no where to hide..but maybe for more young women to heed and kids too and find ways to supervise the bejimminies out of everyone so we have more accountability for Following Through with takin' care of kiddos... most of whom are addicted to screens anyway so likely only want to run and play about an hour a day. I would hope more could curb the screen time and likely many do that, but finding ways to help those other parents and caregivers not depend or allow for fun endless television or computer screens would be another goal once we know kids are safe and hopefully fed and cared for decently on all levels. 

 I'm sure abusers would write down their own confessions if they could use invisible ink! Be aware of something called 'gender bias against females'. It's been shown females need to do twice the work to get half the justice...it's not you or her, or her..it's Throughout America.

You likely have to fight harder to get heard in court. I know of a case that the fellow was allowed to go first. then the case was postponed over holiday break and the woman was never given a time to speak until she called to inquire 'when would I get a turn?' It cost her the opportunity to have her concerns heard in front of a judge and the Family Services Director who other attorneys in the state had said often favors Dads, abusive or not.The criteria of the economics often can weigh in negatively against a mother.

The question of Do kids need a secure Mom or a stable roof over their head (that the father may be able to provide) often is a perplexing one. However to help clarify the situation in the country, Resolution 72 promotes children being with the Mother (or abused parent, which --Newflash!!--generally is the Mom.

If a family has the means then ideally the kids would get the Safe Parent and stable housing if she were the primary caregiver or is the victim of abuse. Most normal sensible adults would divide assets and custody and try to make sure each other is doing decently and not become devastated emotionally or financially in a difficult time..especially if they have kids. 

Parents are Supposed to take a parenting class to tune into this reality and there are great programs to help normalize this kind of Transitional Parenting, such as Sandcastles (which is required in Florida.) However if a parent, generally the Dad is abusive, then sharing parenting is not recommended until he gets H-E-L-P to mend his ways.

Even then it can be dicey to trust he'll play by the rules. I have heard of someone 'doing one of the worst things to the Mom..in front of the kids...and to no avail in the courts..about two decades ago...so Don't Trust the Systems to come to anyone's rescue.. ideally They will.. but it's very tricky stuff. When a woman reported being shoved violently off balance to domestic abuse workers, she was told about 15 years ago, if there are no broken bones it will be a he-said, she-said. 

The counselor they went to never addressed the perpetrator alone or about his drug use, saying he feared he would no longer go to counseling (which he did for 9 months..ya know about the amount of time to allow a new human to grow...) No interventions to spell out in black and white that the woman should get out for her safety and that of her children. 

He should have been informed that he could harm her or the kids worse if he didn't get help and that he should let her go and give her basic support...even without a legal divorce although that likely should have happened to protect them both from incurring the other one's debts even if they wanted to resume living together again as a family if he worked a program etc (for sobriety as well as abuse.)

When he later found a way to have her arrested by alleging she was acting strangely (by yelling as she left for one night to get away from him..and the charge was 'disorderly conduct') she told the police about him shoving her backwards and her almost hitting her head on a huge wood box... maybe she should have reported that.

The police murmured she should have..but it was too late now. She was kept out of her home and completely away from her kids for 6 full months...with only brief supervised visits with family even though the order was vague or not clear to her how that could all happen.

He also started a divorce and claimed primary residence of their home, so that was a double whammy. He didn't apologize until a month later on the phone and yelled it incredibly loudly..."I"M SORRY!!" 

Against all odds, he dropped the divorce and they co-existed for another year and thankfully had separate rooms for the most part-a very reasonable way to try to keep the peace but locked doors would be another good point and likely to have the Mom sleep in with the kids if there's any concern for their safety... 

Yet at the end of the year there was a repeat performance of him insisting she move out and not see the children or he'd have her arrested...(he'd think of something he assured her and would often call the police.mainly if she insinuated she was afraid of him or called him abusive..

"Calling me abusive IS Abusive!" When a Family Service Counselor heard a tape along those lines after he had told the Mom to 'Stop Talking" and she asked what she should do when abuse counselors said he really needed to work with them and he yelled that was abusive, the counselor said, "Well he told you not to talk, then you did, so that proves you made him yell at you.".

For plenty of abusers, they feel they are being accosted by being called out for their mistreatment. If they are given a chance to write down their complaints, they need that invisible ink or a good imagination (often full of reversals as in saying Their Victims Did Unto them what they Did to the Victim or that the Victim Caused It, wanted it, asked for it, didn't say Not To ( enough, clearly and each and every time..) 

Actually for the police to charge someone with rape I believe some of the criteria was shared at Kent Presents in a talk by Lisa Bloom.

Basically we all need to figure out the latest info on this...but the jist is both (or all) parties of legal age to consent--which varies in each state so shapes what would happen based on Where an incident or crime occurs-- need to be able to consent. 

Otherwise ideally the victim needs to make a clear refusal with a verbal or strong gesture of no (unless she says she was afraid to do so I think...)...or if compromised such as if drinking also be incapacitated--not able to make a decision rationally.

The Kent Presents talks will be online for free in a month likely along with all the others, which the 300 attendees paid 2500 dollars (not rupees or pesos) to hear, as well as enjoy nice meals..and the big bucks went to good causes, so hurrah for all of them and the Rosens who dreamed it up for a few years running with more to come!) 

See more of my posts on this topic that got deleted since they were in a thread the got deleted...but are on my blog www.livfully.org about trouble in Camelot and other small towns...