Over 4000 Americans Died in 2019 by June 6th ( 1944 D-Day 75th Anniversary):A Set of Reflections

An article from the Washington Post read: More people were killed by March 6th this year than died on D-Day

A friend posted this news of how over 4K deaths occur from guns by June 6th, D-Day, in America. She then asked 'what are we going to do about it?" I put the following down yet also learned that the majority of deaths are due to suicide. Of those I wonder how many are terminally ill or very old feeling that they don't want to decline. (Note: I share many reflections on an array of topics as they came to mind, so pace yourself and read over the course of a couple of days maybe. Whatever works!)

There's not a lot of information allowed to be documented I have heard on which guns are used for various crimes, although when there is something in the news from a crime scene then that can be conveyed.

The article indicated the rate of gun violence and fatalities is many times higher than that of many other modern countries. Lots to learn about this travesty and hopefully more solutions from all walks of life. I do recall from a talk on NPR that 'who one knows or associates with' can be a higher indicator of who may be at risk than only one's zip code.'

Violence tends to run in circles..and so even a place like Chicago with a high degree of gun violence, who was involved with that seemed to be influenced by people who knew each other.

Sadly like the more widely publicized information that most assaults of women and children occur in home or friendly settings and by people one knows. It would seem more people could be protected by the more open discussion of the problem, yet many hear that it can be difficult to prove, that victims are often blamed and shunned by other family or friends, and basically it can feel like a no-win situation

. With news of Alabama (and in the past other states as well) allowing a rapist to have contact with a child resulting from a rape) we clearly have a lot to clarify and advocate for in terms of protection of children and women. At least people are realizing it 'is not a perfect system' and people often use their power and influence to keep poor or criminal practices in place.

That can help people break through layers of systemic and cultural denial. Still with the possiblity of video-taping and communicating online, a person who has violated another could film an apology, show evidence of getting therapy and make videos or write stories about what they would want to do to make amends and share positive aspects of their life story or visions moving forward.

No one would want a person to be forced to be tortured or endure suffering endlessly in reality. Our human spirit says we are not perfect people and the kinds of  harm and crimes people commit against others or themselves is largely linked to genetics, (some say many lifetimes of emotions and experiences that are influencing us more than we know, ) socialization or lack thereof...think -- garbage in-garbage out or lack of nutrients and teaching so one really may not 'know better' or have a hard time feeling they could learn to look at life, themselves and interacting with others in less competitive ways.

The 'reality' is no one knows all that they experienced as a youth, so hopefully we can bank on having fair warnings if something is amiss. Still the Us Vs. Them mentality may not serve people as well as it would seem, especially when it's not even acknowledged.

Marianne.com has many good ideas worth hearing as she runs for #2020POTUS, Pres. of the US. I will share my blog livfully.org with her too so she can see I've been following her first by chance then with more effort and am very proud of her accomplishments. She is rooting for US All to get on board and make this country Ours Again, through and through, from all ages and stages of life. So as she has often said, "Let's Begin!"

It may feel like a Me or Them world so put the emphasis on surviving..and 'thriving' in terms of building up more security even if in a criminal way. That shows a life based on fear rather than trust, yet without a social safety net and a society that could readily show support for people with limited means or skills, the jungle mentality may be a game much of society is co-creating. Ideas about having a CA Peace Alliance to teach non-violence could be replicated in every state.

We need to look for win-win pathways of communication (agree to allow for differences of opininons, taking turns, sharing time, echoing back each person's ideas or brainstorming even from other people's perspectives.) more ideas from Transition Town to help us face our collective struggle with climate change and limited resources (and growing populations) all makes sense as shared goals.

The Carey Gabay Foundation from Brooklyn NY is looking to find support people to take their mission of preventing gun violence through positive outreaches.

There will be a community center named for him at the Bedford Armory in Brooklyn when it is finished being built, sadly not far from where he perished from gun violence during an otherwise festive traditional event around Labor Day a few years ago. There are many programs such as Concert Across America that happen annually with good advocacy..but the people part of the problem needs attention too.

We need a curriculum to teach the public at large various ways to plan for peaceful lives and find ways to prevent the gang or other violent mentality from being rooted or 'necessary'. Online I found a video with sketches about a '12 second school shooting' by a 14 -year-old that claimed the life of a boy young boy Jacob who was on a swing at recess at his school in SC.

His friend Ava Olsen wrote to the US President after the shooting to ask for protection for schools. The US President assured her he'd work toward safety but didn't say how. Unfortunately this case can show that teens are more of a risk than young students so proper precautions should be used in general, even though it's thankfully rare for such violence to occur. It's a couple minutes long but very touching. https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2019/local/12-seconds-of-gunfire/.

For a counterpoint of another few seconds that claimed the life our teen son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton in June 2009 just after he finished his first year of high school in a lovely part of CT, see his memorial on youtube or the post Remembering Kaelan... which gives a lot of other insight into that kind of turn of events and our family around that time already going through other difficulties.

Ideally parents and responsible adults would supervise minors in the summer with programs, outings that are safe and appropriate (with parental permission and local guidelines clarifying types of reasonable activities outdoors or in, on bikes or hiking etc. 

Take climate and conditions of water at lakes, rivers, oceans etc into account and 'don't just wing it.' Kaelan passed after saving two friends then trying against tremendous odds to get yet another. 

That young man was rescued by a rope save from a skilled volunteer with climbing expertise. Still many were put in grave danger and that lesson can resound far and wide to help prevent similar misinformed 'okay outings.'

While the adults in charge (none present and maybe it wouldn't have made a difference since even adults can disregard safety and common sense) were not in agreements about whether a group of youths should go, 'at least they thought about it.'

So we can appreciate that 'not knowing' is one kind of shortcoming, and 'knowing but not doing the safer thing' is another and "disagreeing with other adults and letting kids do something dangerous anyone' is yet a third platform, all of which can be rather devastating. Who is accountable and who would pay medical bills had someone been injured would be a wake up call.

On public or school property the place could determine whose responsible for the bills (such as homeowner's insurance, or maybe that could be tapped first.) If the bills were extremely high, those could wipe out a family's savings. Teens and adults need to factor that into their decision-making.

The cost of rescue people responding (and not being available to tend to other emergencies) is also important to consider when making optional recreational plans. Many people chance doing things around streams and rivers with little preparation or safety checking if they even know how to do that.

A similar set of 'sudden dangerous ideas' can play into any kind of driving, whether a car, motorcycle, smaller dirt bike or even regular bike. Not having a helmet, going too fast, not respecting conditions or the terrain (making a first slow run for instance before charging to the top of hill one thinks will be level but find that it's not for instance) are all parts of 'if only we'd thought it through a bit more regrets'.

Lives can be saved by such pre-planning and catastrophes avoided (or at least delayed for dire times when there aren't many options, likley during a storm, flood, freeze, etc.

Even then checking the temperatures to avoid being out when the roads may get icy would be the wise way to prevent Those kinds of disasters. What if someone's son perished trying to help a friend who'd gone off the road, only to do the same..and sadly perish in the process. Then what if someone closely related to that person married the former partner of the deceased.

Maybe they would feel  they shared a special connection with their shared loss.

 In Biblical times if a practicing Jewish man died without having children, that man would marry the deceased man's wife.

The child(ren) they would have would therefore be a way to carry on both men's legacy. Hopefully the women would feel that was appropriate.

Culturally and historically there is a lot for the modern people 'who can,  make choices more freely but hopefully in an informed manner' to consider.

What if in the case of a relative marrying a loved one's partner, they had a child? The parents of the deceased may be grateful the person stayed in their life, and may look kindly on that person for having their grandchild.

The other option would be that they may feel pained by the happiness the new couple shared and even feel a bit of resentment that they had a child and their deceased child did not. It is what each person feels.

And the parents of the deceased may not be in agreement one way or the other. There could be a mix of feelings, from them and others. Plenty of people 'leave their first family' and start another, 'never looking back.'

These are tricky times and even for the modern world rather complex and heartbreaking in ways. Many times 'there are no words' to describe the variety of feelings and ups and downs some may experience.

For some 'closure' means never interacting or severely limiting interactions. Yet for others who 'see beyond the initial  change, impact, boundary or loss' there can be ways to reframe 'what is possible' in the realms of seeking healing, peace, new ways of seeing things and the future.

Some who have warning someone is dying may seek a way to have an egg or sperm donation if they are a close family member or spouse to consider a way a surrogate or they themselves (as is biologically and ethically appropriate) could carry a child.

That is the realm of the modern world, with no guarantees but again, likely many more options for those with funds and resources than not.

Learning more about spiritual connections with those who have crossed over can be another 'new realm' of consideration. The theory that one can heal and feel better on all levels by being honest (at least with oneself and as may be safe and appropriate with a trusted confidant, even journaling at length to explore feelings and 'do the math' regarding what one has experienced or who one has harmed even if one doesn't agree but is willing to try to see things from various perspectives.

That may present the deeper kind of healing for a lifetime for oneself, those close to a person, and in wider circles. The possibility that leaving things hidden and denied can create a wave of other 'wrongs' which never equal a 'right' and may claim other relationship dynamics if not harm to people is another key point for more people to consider.

Before 'doing what comes naturally' whether romantically or for fun or seemingly 'by forces outside of one's control' especially when young as teens, young adults or children, consider what the future (which sees So Far Off) implications may be energetically in terms of ties of energy fields and destinies, and socially in terms of who else one may be not able to consider as more than a friend (such as siblings and even other friends of a person one may be interested in.)

Taking at least a few months if not six to get to know someone, their family and friends can help one clarify if they are really someone one wants to spend more time and energy getting to know and 'what the social terrain will be'. Maybe there is someone one meets through that connection that would be a better match, whether for a good friend or romantic partner. And good luck if you can 'figure out romance and how it's going' in less than a few months or a year. By the time you 'get in' there may be no easy or clear way to 'get out' without 'making waves.'

That's why dating light is important. (especially in small towns or colleges where people can be filling up a dating card like a bingo game card.)  Think of being in good company with others, in public places and with transparency with family and friends (so they can weigh in on the early stages and help see if the person is all you've dreamed or hoped they can be, and if you can keep up too with what's unfolding with the rest of your life.) Many religions such as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka The Mormons) or Jehovah's Witnesses or many other Christian and religious groups, encourage early marriage to someone one dates in a chaperoned manner.

Basically if you wait to date in a serious manner, say 18, there are higher odds the relationship could get serious. But keeping things simple and not too physical (not beyond kissing since many can't hold to that boundary easily, so maybe not  that either... just a thought worth sharing.)

But having some experiences to draw upon over one's teens and young adult years can be helpful to clarify if 'it's you or your hormones talking, or if you have had time to explore the world and socialize freely as an independent person with friends..rather than someone's other half or main person.'

Giving people time and attention is a kind of job and with more options and many requirements to survive, there are plenty of people saying "less responsibilty" is more empowering to focus on one's self-development.

The NYC Meditation people promote celibacy as a way of life or encourage one to have one partner (I think marriage type partner) who one stays committed to. I am curious to hear more. The concern I am having for everyone is trying to understand what each set of words and legalities mean.

If people are mature capable adults, with no dependents, that's one thing. If they have minor children or dependents (elders or others they care for) that's another realm of parameters that merit clarification as to time, money, care and other support commitments. There can be many forms of a blended families and maybe even friends who live or care for one another.

Without spelling things out on paper, not necessarily legally, people are not aware of what each is thinking and expecting in the short-term or even over a few years or longer time period. Even if people are legally married with paperwork in hand, that does not 'fill in the many blanks.'

It seems there could be a computer app to help people choose from an menu of options to consider ways to have people be aware of the basic needs of childcare, costs for living, and other housing or basic costs as well as time to clean a home, care for a child and so on.

Then schedules could be generated to see how 'the jobs could be done' as well as allow people some flexible time and back up options (other family and friends or local groups helping even for a few hours with weekly or monthly care programs at a cental location for instance, some meal pick-up places or other support for those doing the care, those paying the bills (such as You Need A Budget YNAB or free software to help plan for future earnings and expenditures.)

By the time more people share their wisdom such as through the 'over 50' AARP groups, but do so earlier, the more people benefit. Then changes in living or caregiving due to work, illness, moves, helping someone, travel and learning etc can be factored in as things to 'try and imagine' and then actually do as may be needed with less stress.

With one's body and brain growing and in a sense 'going in all directions' getting too serious as a teen or young adult can be more than anyone bargained for. It can be hard not to want to 'grow up' all at once especially when some things come easily, one finds good friends and ways to make a way in the world at least socially and hopefully academically or with good hobbies and a friendly community, maybe even a faith group or something close to it with people who know you and care about you. And you them, a little as you can (since time is never in excess.)

That's a sideline chat about being young, which may actually resonate with people over the decades since some say 'we are all growing younger' (in case that's confusing, the benefits likely will outweigh any incongruous feelings.) That means it's worth keeping those points in mind whatever age you are, place you are and not feel like 'the game's over over'.

It's healthy to take breaks at any age from the worry of it all (and that is easier for some to do than others, but we certainly have hundreds of channels to watch and yet there should be Free TV for any who haven't gotten a computer since it is expensive.

Basically positive friendly shows could be shared and the others maybe summarized for the freebies...Just a thought. I haven't had or made much time for TV or even movies in decades aside from a few stints here and there including some Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and Desperate Housewives and a couple seasons of How to Get Away with M (you know what )... but I totally lost track so don't know 'whodunnit' all these years later.. so will google and feel lucky I saved myself 20 more hours of looking at a screen.

I watched enough to feel more in tune with the modern world, but mostly realized I wasn't missing much and mostly was glad I likely missed a lot worse of the same. Fill me in if I'm wrong in your humble opinion.

That is a not necessarily how many would feel but it does show a kind of 'bigger possibility' than might seem evident. The loss of a loved one, whether younger or older can be very traumatizing. Yet a book called Stumbling On Happiness by Daniel Gilbert says most people do rather well after initial shocks even of loss.

He shares alarming statistics that about half of Americans (likely women and many children) will  or have experienced somekind of sexual assault or violent episode in their lifetime....but most recover (especially if they survive.)

He says psychologists have somehow proposed that many would not be able to function reasonably well if not go on with their lives, but it is a rather small percentage of people who are crippled by such events.

He is not trying to minimize the crime or impact of such difficulties but rather sharing that the evidence seems to be that people do find a way to go on and have more resilience than generally described. 

Most people would choose to live in a 'safe zipcode', be able to read and write and enjoy life. As economic pressures mount, many who are capable also need help finding 'a new normal' that involves more peace, love and using phones not guns to ask for help or get ahead in life...

Let's Begin by sharing and caring about ourselves and others in balanced ways..and sharing these posts and others on FB etc to keep the conversation growing in wisdom, kindness, health, talent, friendship and serious better ways of playing well with others...in the game of Life!