December 2019, from warm to freezing..to finding the inner glow and higher road
Thanksgiving into December 2019 is turning into quite a special month to pay attention to given the weather bringing snow and winds that have affected travel options on land and in the air.
Still it's rather remarkable to consider millions of people want to make the effort to see family, friends and others at this rather dicey time of year to travel. The greater love wins out even over the personal and political hassles and 'DOOs, Differences of Opinion'.
Not agreeing with someone is legal and reasonable even if it hurts someone's feelings. No need to take offense to the person, but arguing a point or digging for more information about the person's beliefs, feelings, experiences and ideas could shed light not only to the listener but also for the speaker. Watching for vague or all or nothing thinking can help each person hone their idea.
They may even consider 'sometimes they waver or feel differently about a situation, even from the past.' Exploring things patiently and with others being able to weigh in when one feels they have 'figured out what they want to say and really want to convey' can take time. That's something a lot of people typically don't have.
Making a time to journal daily whether in the morning or another time and doing so extra, much like I do on this blog, can be helpful for one to have a running record of considerations. Other people can then address one or more points in a comprehensible fashion. Trying to multi-task in terms of driving and talking with someone in the car or on the phone, being at a gathering or otherwise trying to 'do more than one thing at a time' isn't really fair and may not be safe.
Distracted talking even when trying to have a conversation can be a dangerous activity even if not aware of that. A bride to be once was spelling out how a small wedding party would be entering a tiny chapel, but was doing so while driving with two others in the car. She completely missed a STOP sign as she was merging onto a main road.
Thankfully a car in the far lane was zipping along and she basically joined forces right along side it, with only brief contact before getting in her own lane, and luckily not going off the road. Overall anyone getting married or divorced for that matter (and yes depending on the relationship whether head over heels or heartbroken) likely should not drive much and be open to having a co-pilot if needing to drive if one is available (and feels safe in that position.) That makes for a lot of help to get through the day since life is full of challenges. but getting centered and taking on the mindset of being present and calm, capable an willing to share the road can go a long way toward helping one reach a destination safely and soundly.
When some people say they feel someone is not listening, being rude,interrupting them, not validating their experience or sharing, there may be a lot of truth in that...and it's an skill if someone can verbally or otherwise respectfully say that. It's a big help and worth listening to. In addition however if one is saying those kinds of things (not being heard or respected) maybe there is a difference of opinion or unwillingness to create a more a balanced way of expressing oneself.
There could be a third party witnessing discussion or exchanges between two parties, perhaps even a mediator. I do feel there could be help for each person to be 'interviewed' and given time to reflect on matters before having to try to have a meaningful discussion with another person (or more than one person) about a particular topic.
Likely I have a post on Transformative Mediation or that format could be referenced to shed light on the value of screening both parties for abilities and interest in having 'safe, respectful discussions' or input even about options to address one or many issues. There may be 'generational or cultural or gender' differences, various skill sets and ways of looking at matters that can be challenging to bridge 'even with good intentions.'
That's why having more parameters and options to review a situation or consider new ideas would be helpful for people of all ages (and to have support for each person weighing in on a matter in a planned, timed manner.)
While that may seem contrived or controlling, the idea of having control over if and how a communication in writing or over the phone or in person takes place are very important if not legally sensitive matters. Much of what can happen in social circles can be a kind of ice carving or 'cutting away' of material or ways of relating, including who can relate directly with written or verbal communications with others.
There are many legal and even social if not other cultural or religious guidelines, recommendations and even laws for more people to understand in each country, state, school, military, faith, public library or even more private settings.
The overall boundary to be aware of is that each person has inherent human rights, civil rights, physical, social, sexual and other kinds of protections and boundaries. A lot of that can be confusing to people when going through life but with more coaching (online and with a few workshops) most people likely could catch up to speed, learn to schedule a time to talk something over (although saying something important in writing even via a 3rd party who then reads it if someone doesn't want to havea paper trail etc.) can be helpful.
Being able to review what one has written and maybe have someone else fine tune it or clarify points would make sense. With books from nolo.com regarding Building A Parenting Agreement (or Plan) that Works the areas for discussion about who is caring for a minor and other related matters are spelled out. That could become a template for all people to use for planning to be clear and take care of their children on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Many families decide on who will be caring for infants, young children and school children on an hourly,daily and regular basis even if there are a variety of caregivers, schools or programs used.
Routines to make sure basics of safety and supervision, transportation and special help with projects or events and back up care is something every family or other group manages, often without writing anything down. Having a notebook with basic contact information for both parents and other caregivers as is appropriate, emergency contact and medical information, fire or other emergency response numbers (such as 911 and clarification about where a phone is or a computer with Skype phone calling as backup woud be helpful as well if not a 'back up phone' always charged and in the same location in a home for such purposes ...and to help one find one's phone if in the house.)
Once those particulars and the basic living and daily schedule are spelled out along with any dietary concerns and some sample meals and accounting for funds needed for transportation, school, meals or other basics are indicated, any caregivers and roles they have, then routines could be fairly clear to anyone needing to know that. In terms of special programs, trips, travel, summer and vacation times, more details could be planned and added ideally with all parties being informed.
These kinds of things are required in parenting or custody plans in many states for legal requirements and hold weight in a court of law (particularly about who has legal custody and what the physical custody terms are (sole, joint or shared etc.) I am not an attorney and am only speaking in general terms to encourage people to learn more and check with professionals and online resources to learn about 'things one may not have considered as important to learn about in advance or in general as a community member. More early and frequent screenings for safety, competency and healthy connections socially and with one's community would make sense in this modern age of mobility and growing opportunities.
Many schools are setting standards to clarify whether students are meeting academic standards and not simply moving through the grades as social markers. More independent efforts online and in every school to help young students learn to read and write proficiently by 4th grade (and at a certain age, likely by age 10 but that could be 8 depending on the school system entrance age and so on.) There could be much gained from considering what a child is developmentally ready to learn and not simply what a school staff is required to teach, whether students can assimilate the information or not.
When there are added stresses often related to poverty, including poor nutrition or adequate heat, clothing or even housing, then learning can take on added challenges. There are options such as homework clubs, possibly online groups (but that would be important to do only with the right adult supervision and private links, not necessarily through FB Portal.) The whole digital divide is still a very real gap. I likely would have been 'left behind' were it not for certain people assuring me they'd hold my hand and get me going in a reasonable direction even with email which is all I'd use for years. Some of those generational gaps should be identified and addressed much like respectful help is given to those with more recognized 'disabilities.'
Newsflash: I have felt misunderstood (and had plenty of negative feedback but often from people who don't have the time or interest in considering matters if they take effort to think about...) That goes for much of my life and even about many of these posts, that people are missing my point, not taking time and getting help to consider some of the weightier but pressing issues that can help individuals, the systems and our society at large even in this post for instance.
Meanwhile folks like Jarrad Hewett (online info plentiful) say the energy of Dec 2019 will benefit us (and moreso if we tune into the positive aspects of transformation, healing and receiving and stepping into the positive intentions and actions.)
Dreaming Big is a term I used a couple decades ago... "Live Well, Walk Tall, Dream Big" and that can land with people in various ways. Jarrad offers that sometimes we need to get out of our own way, maybe not get sick first to get well (which is something a lot of people discuss as possibilities, along the lines of Louise Hay and Hayhouse type publications.)
With vaccines, food additives, genetic or other factors, it seems we would want to hear a lot more about the energy/mindset components (maybe even to override some of the side effects and also to consider the spiritual possibilities for why things unfold the way they have or appear to be.)
We put a gazillion dollars into all things 'scientifically and physically based' and not even pennies into the energetics, including social, emotional, mental, past life, present or future life views (can't measure what you can't see, weigh and measure mindset.)
Maybe we can pretend or play a game of What IF something were possible, that we could share information in an ongoing, reasonable way about every aspect of our existence and ideas....so we could figure things out or be inspired or better informed.
Much of what I share on livfully.org is to help people 'not have to think That Batch of thoughts, but to benefit and take them to the next level.
There are ideas about the nature of our beings and practical updates about issues we should all know about (at least google and read a few books about) but can't legally discuss easily.
More like walking through a proverbial minefield. With liability and laws being written every day to basically take away any sense of freedom of speech and a lot else, we will likely all be living on an island unto ourselves, even with the internet at hand.
What easier way to monitor people than having the internet track every word and of late with FB Portal and so on, audio and visual cue.
I heard a talk saying we are basically 'sitting ducks' and being used by the great Google in the cloud to benefit corporate profits....so maybe this should be more of a snail mail newsletter... and I hope more people will join together in small (but mighty) groups to be able to share ideas and info with ease and in person.
Most people are a phone call or email away, but again remember Big not so Brotherly Corporation and Govn't is watching you ...and me. Okay on that note, I'll wrap up. Hope you can tune into the positive ideas also on Jenn McLean and You Wealth Revolution (and other positive sites online...lots on youtube, some of which I summarize on livfully.org.)
I also like much of what Iris Benrubi offers online since she's from Canada and offers a lot of practical advice about self-esteem, integrity, relationships and so on.
I do think more air time should be given to people who choose or happen to be single and talk up ways people can network reasonably in various ways, socially and for building up community (such as through WonderSchools format and similar independent efforts.)
In the MA, NY, CT tri corner area there are many great things about 'being a part of each of those states, from libraries and faith and other groups to shopping and services and knowing some folks in each area socially and more.
See what Toastmasters.org offers and implement more ways for social services, 211, Scouts and other positive efforts (with the better safety protocols to have appropriate supervision in group settings) guide educational,cultural, athletic and recreational, independent and even personal social efforts.
The COG (Council of Governments for 20 towns in the NWCT area) could be an example for residents and promoters of each town networking. That in turn could be replicated for the tri-corner area, with people from each state working to improve aspects of life across state borders with collaboration, focus groups for each age group and with organizations that fill gaps. That has been happening for some states to join school efforts in some places, but there are many ways people can help one another.
The Turtle Garden Permaculture Game (online) and the TG Circle of Friends promotes social permaculture, where people are matching up 'inputs and outputs' of services, resources, needs and wants, etc. Be in touch if you'd like to think of your life or area along these terms with some consulting. A few good ideas and ongoing efforts can spur more help for people. Village to Village and in The Berkshires of MA Elder Care services seek to help people in many ways. In the NWCT are we have Chore Services.
Likely many people weigh the benefits of 'sharing housing or going to assisted living' if transportation or care costs start to go up. If there are teams of support for people with extra needs (child care, housekeeping, yard work, errands etc) ideally more communities would seek to address those needs Before the people in need have to identify them and try to find their own solutions.
Each grade school and day care could offer more support to parents and others in an area (many are child care givers or supportive family and friends for instance and could be counted in the loop, not excluded completely as some programs for children tend to do even at libraries or community centers.
Every child and set of parents or caregivers deserve a team of support, not more hoops to jump through.Just as there is bullying in schools, there are many social ways of ostracizing or keeping people in cliques which really don't serve the greater purpose of being in a community. If one isn't the direct victim, 'just wait' or consider those in your circles. Everyone likely knows someone who is being ousted or put down 'for some reason' whether it makes sense or not. Trends can work to enable some people to abuse substances or others (or both) or to put in interventions and safeguard people's health and stability.
When issues become foggy (and FOG can stand for fear, obligation, guilt) then many people resort to a quick fix and hoping the problem (or person) will just Go Away. Sometimes a break is needed, but other times the challenges of making a living, providing consistent care (again for children or maybe others who are not comfortable with change or needing special care, maybe even for pets or a home) can be challenging. Ideally more people won't take things personally and can consider the bigger picture of how anyone 'in their situation' would manage.
With the world now facing more pressing problems due to climate change, or even short-term set backs of storms or staying warm for instance, finding ways to adapt 'for fun' or in teams to practice for living for a few days or even evacuating could be part of what everyone learns with some online sites and local discussions (FB pages etc.)
In cities, plenty of people don't know their neighbors even on their floor (say 4-8 other families) other than in passing if that. When there are many floors the idea of knowing who lives on the next floor up or down seems as remote as knowing who is a few floors up or down. What's the point many would say? With climate change, those next to you could be your new best friends...and sometimes if there's an emergency one would feel more secure in asking or giving help (and knowing what help might be needed.) In the rural settings, more towns are having ways to check on people voluntarily. Let's do more of that...sound good?
