Of Course I Am Making An Effort To Wish Everybuddy Well This Thanksgiving and Into December 2020

Hello and How have you been doing so far? I was out of the loop since a few people needed my help and I was keeping other commitments. After many months of not having much regular work or places I needed to be, the last week 'made up for a month of it at least.' I have profound respect for everyone having to 'be somewhere or tend to someone else on a regular basis or move in to do both.' Wishing everyone the best for a nice day off and time to eat, visit and enjoy special time Thursday, November 25th, 2020 and onward through the rest of the month and into December 2020. This next part of the post is about how some of my last week has gone.

I have also had some inspiring talks along the way, to lean into the 'flow and connection' with the greater good. See more of that on the website and podcasts on PeaceAndHarmony Co.com with David and Eli Adelson and other offerings by Allura Adelson as well. Those are just some of the many folks who've been inspiring me and I try to pass along the good stuff all year long. If you're up for helping me with my many outreaches and efforts, please be in touch on my Catherine Palmer Paton or Livfully FB pages. Thanks in advance. I do have a paypal.me/CathPalmPaton account too if there's interest in making a donation of any amount!

That said I was trying to help one other person and a series of miscommunications will give me another blog post about the importance of both parties clarifying how each expects to be contacted and have things confirmed (verbally in a voice message that is clear and received in a timely way with  that confirmed or a text and how many times during a week that would have to happen, etc.)

In terms of meeting someone for an important appointment, perhaps there could be a 'cancellation policy' of an hourly rate for a certain amount of time (travel and possibly something toward other expenses incurred such as the person's child or elder care coverage if they are not the one's cancelling.) Everyone's time is important and can be respected but life happens.

No point in speeding (which I saw one small red car do on Route 112 up a hill in Limerock toward the racetrack from Falls Village, passing a two cars and a truck when there was no longer a passing zone.) Scary since this is a remote area and hardly any traffic, but sadly 'typical' for many risky drivers which of course puts everyone at risk on the road whether driving, riding or walking or anywhere near the edge. 

I am realizing having spoken with some wise folks at length this past many monthst that (and I quote) "people are invested in the attitudes, views, words and behaviors and actions they take." If someone is insulting another they likely intend to do that. If someone is not willing to discuss matters and find mutually fair solutions, they intend to have things go 'their way.'

They may not treat others as equals, as fully human, but rather as subservient whether in a social, intimate or more public relationship or interaction. If someone is hiring someone to work for them they may expect obdience along the lines of enslavement or servitude rather than as a employee with dignity, value and rights.

If a person 'speaks up for themselves' or tries to bring in a third party to sort things out, clarify matters or use logic or good will, all of those strategies may fall on deaf ears...and the person refusing to listen likely intends that outcome. Whether it is an occasional occurrence of an on-again, off-again pattern or more of a set negative tone and enactment, that person is choosing their course with the one or others having to be on the defense, avoid or cut off interactions.

On the other hand I have offered that perhaps people are 'doing the best they can with the examples and training they have had in life.' Maybe they are not aware of what they are doing, saying or even feeling and can't 'take a break long enough to consider the options and even the positive outcome of trying something different such as having someone they trust assist them in their communications and interactions', not having direct discussions verbally on the phone or in person but rather 'slow things down' by writing texts or emails and having a third trusted party convey the jist of what is said or pass messages along.

While some call that 'triangulating' others call that 'mediating' without interfering (not changing what someone is trying to say or express when using the transformative mediation model versus having a coaching mindset with a facilitative mediation model.)

Those terms are worth looking up and I studied each. The courses I took over a weekend for each ran about 500 each and that was over a decade ago. I have studied amicable ways to learn about meditation and emotional intelligence as well, and lots of parenting tips, books and classes over a couple of decades along with counseling.

Then there's the host of custody and divorce books and programs I have studied and learned a great deal from Battered Mothers Custody Conference (bmcc.org) When that info hits the mainstream all women and some men will really want to wake up and smell the coffee...and say "No More of That Madness!" Until then, hang onto your sense of safety and sanity and consider the systems are broken and the few trying to fix it can 'only do so much...'

So think about "Calling All Angels" to help you through hard times...and to make the good parts of your life carry you through to growing networks and resources to keep your boat afloat during any type of trouble, short-term or longer (and see above. ) With all the talk of COVID, everyone is on a similar playing field, a bit like an abuse victim stuck with the offender either in their home, bed, family or circles with no safety teams or only sketchy ones.

Let's clean up the sloppiness and confusion about abuse and 'set the record straight' about what each victim and their community can do to help make a safe passage from misery and danger...It really is a waste of time and energy...and while many if not most abusers are choosing to harm others (and even themselves) they likely don't need to be given so much freedom to do so and take so many casualties with them. Let's have a 'moment of silence and respect' for the difficult path many have found themselves on as victims...and hold out hope that more can get safe.

As for the perpetrators, extra efforts are needed on many fronts with accountability as is being discussed in more Batterer Intervention Programs (BIPs.) All students should learn about these dynamics early in life and find ways to get 'back on track' if they find they are erring on the side of bullying themselves or even being a victim...It can happen to pretty much anyone and over time so at any age. Not Fun, but again doesn't happen in a vacuum.

So here's to everyone wanting to step up their game and be a fair team player rather than hide in the shadows of shame, blame and any other game that pegs one person against another as 'the final say'. Good luck to everyone in their healing and helping journeys...even from a distance and over a life time...

What is in one's heart is a big part of how things unfold in one's life and circles. Nice to look up at the night sky and enjoy the stars and moon too. Think Big Picture and paint yourself in a kindly light...pick a star and let its light brighten your night  and day too! Peace and good will toward all!