Gun Violence and Abuse Related to Domestic Violence Dynamics and Legal Arenas (Laws, Courts, Broken Systems)
The following was printed in the Lakeville Journal CT March 1, 2018. I also added many other points.Thanks for all sharing in their circles to help more people become aware of 'bigger picture and dynamics' that affect us all. We need to understand our societal patterns and the silencing of victims and voices for advocacy that have deep roots in many systems.
Slowly we are waking up and perhaps by fighting these 'smaller meaningful matters' we will wake up in time to consider the larger pressing issues for us as a species. Consider also seeing talks by Barbara Marciniak on youtube.com. Taking regular time to learn with friends about the newer theories will help us all tune in a timely manner to key issues, most of which as not covered in the mainstream media or politics. Stay in a positive mode of learning and choosing safety and healing on all levels. Feel free to comment here or with friends on FB, etc.
To The Editor:
The process of figuring out how to stop gun violence is flooding the media. Representative Esty has asked for over a million people to sign a petition to require Republicans to address gun violence with meaningful legislation. Meanwhile many explore the question of 'is it guns or is it mental illness or more specifically abusive and controlling mindsets' that are linked to shootings, violence and death? At the Woman's March in NYC 2018, a woman held a sign and spoke to me about how 'Black Women are 12x More Likely to be Killed than White Women."
I have yet to look into that specifically, but a huge concern that is discussed at BMCC annually, Battered Mothers Custody Conference, is what are courts and society doing to help protective mothers maintain sole custody (and possibly supervised visitation.) Currently almost 60K Protective Mothers lose custody of their children (sometimes completely) to abusive fathers which represents about 5-10% of all divorce cases in the USA. The problem occurs in other countries as well.
Someone seeing the musical "Waitress" on Broadway painted a happier picture of a single mom gaining custody of her child and assumed that was the norm, but not all are so fortunate.
Someone seeing the musical "Waitress" on Broadway painted a happier picture of a single mom gaining custody of her child and assumed that was the norm, but not all are so fortunate.
The Civic Research Institute and other experts such as Barry Goldstein and Lundy Bancroft offer important ideas to comprehend the dynamics of abuse and how it plays out in society.
These insights can inform other areas of abuse in our society such as corporate, political, work place and educational, race, class, military and even the media. Few parties seem to have the task to inform the public of the underpinnings of abuse. The funds to provide access to key information and guide youth and young families or others to make meaningful plans to avoid 'going down predictable paths of harm' are minimal.
With concerted efforts more people would likely want to weigh in on the findings and current advocacy to prevent harm and keep abusive or unstable men from harming others in a myriad of ways. The sooner abusers (or even victims or other players in the dynamic) could get help, the more likely they could turn from their harmful ways and enjoy life 'without going to prison' or an early grave. Abusers who kill their victims often turn the gun on themselves (and sadly their children or other collateral victims.) Femals abuse victims who may fight to protect themselves or their children may end up getting killed or imprisoned for many years more than a typcial male perpetrator of violence. Every person, especially if in a relationship or having children, should have an preventive intervention.
With concerted efforts more people would likely want to weigh in on the findings and current advocacy to prevent harm and keep abusive or unstable men from harming others in a myriad of ways. The sooner abusers (or even victims or other players in the dynamic) could get help, the more likely they could turn from their harmful ways and enjoy life 'without going to prison' or an early grave. Abusers who kill their victims often turn the gun on themselves (and sadly their children or other collateral victims.) Femals abuse victims who may fight to protect themselves or their children may end up getting killed or imprisoned for many years more than a typcial male perpetrator of violence. Every person, especially if in a relationship or having children, should have an preventive intervention.
But that concept seems to evade people. This pro-active stance would be very reasonable in any court matter involving custody, divorce, domestic abuse that is handled in the criminal courts. The stance of the courts needs to be clarified in that any abuse that is happening during a court matter, including custody or divorce proceedings, could be a form of malpractice. Attorneys, judges, GALs-guardiem ad litems, Family Service personnel or even mediators or child protective service or DCF Department of Children and Families need to be updated as to current best practices in keeping people safe and in not 'aiding and abetting abusers'. If a crime is still being committed then they become complicit in the abuse.
See the problem? Most of them likely do not understand their illegal and dangerous role and instead have been brainwashed or miseducated to consider the crime as 'not pertinent' to the 'family matter' issues. Even if there are restraining order or protective order matters also being heard during the time of custody or divorce matters (or even post-divorce or post-settlement of custody matters), the legal professionals and even advocates may be confused or turn a blind eye toward critical matters. If a rape report is introduced into a restraining order concern, in CT that may not be enough grounds to issue an order. Possibly a protective order but not as of a decade ago a restraining order even when minors are living with the perpetrator. The victim may have a year to press charges even if the police do not feel there is enough evidence to warrant an arrest.
The confusion can sometimes keep a victim off guard even with regular contact with victim services in the community or in the courts. There could be other community educators informing all people of the parameters to pursuing any form of a relationship that may involve close personal contact (even as friends), being in one another's home, any form of dating, any kind of caregiving, parenting, and any kind of conflict (yelling, neglect of minors basic care needs or housing needs, schooling or other support), any legal ramifications of living together in a primary residence together and much more in terms of separating short-term or legally, with paperwork or not. Engaging in intimate contact after filing for a divorce is important for both parties to be informed about clearly and often to clarify the legal ramifications of such contact even without any protective or restraining orders. Every state can have its own rules and guidelines for considering 'the best interests of the children'.
Domestic violence against the mother is not always factored in to the priority for children's safety even though the two are closely linked in terms of the negative impact on victims. Often children can feel forced to choose (even when of a young age) and may side with an abuser, particularly if there is a likelihood their main residence would be more certain with him in the home they've known or in terms of more stability. An important question for victims and their supporters are 'do children need a permanent house or a safer relationship with their protective parent even if it entails temporary moves?'
More laws seek to keep children in a school system to finish a school year, however many parents choose to have children alternate schools in their parenting plans either throughout the year or over the years. There are many factors more community and school groups could help parents be aware of to facilitate care of children in general and specifically during times of transition or separation and moves.
Everyone being more aware of abuse dynamics would help more people 'not fall for the friendly competent' face many abusers can present often in cameo appearances in a community. As difficult as this would be for many people to consider, the denial is not without consequences. In addition everyone understanding more 'bottom line' requirements for supervising minors even through high school in terms of their whereabouts with regular supervision and transportation to other locations (or double checking and having a clear reasonable schedule for arrival times in terms of on the hour rather than with hours of random activity) could be very helpful to share the responsibility of watching minors that is what all people in custody plans are expected to do. There could be a host of other strong recommendations such as covered in other parts of this blog and hopefully more for every state to promote in terms of 'not having youth loitering and unsupervised' particularly if there are dangerous areas in nature (rivers, falls, cliffs and such.)
The more a general curfew for weeknights (10pm check in for instance) and weekends (midnight if need be) could be held would give more parents and teens the idea to not be out late. Of course not drinking or drugging particularly when driving should be consistent for people of all ages which may mean having more designated drivers or plans to not drive home from events (if there are accommodations and again the appropriate supervision that could be validated with emails and calls to sober adults in charge.) Thanks for thinking out loud on these matters, for each country, state, town and school or other event to help prevent 'accidents' and help everyone be more accountable in a reasonable way to keep each person safe and informed about their options. With various cultures and religious practices some people are oppressed by their very 'support systems' so a review of their freedoms and options may be wise as well on an website throughout their grade school and high school years. Thanks for thinking on these delicate matters and helping be part of the solution.
Sorry to be 'negative' but denial is not getting us where we need to be. Steven Greer furthermore offers important timely insights for the whole of humanity to consider for the fate of our one shared planet. That's plenty to think about between planning our gardens and ways to enjoy summer safely.--Catherine Palmer Paton,
Comments
Heard on the Radio that the Link between DV and GV is strong
Gun Violence (GV--which I am now naming in this way in case someone's keeping track) IS linked to Domestic Violence (and vice versa.)
I heard on the radio March 19th, 2018 that the legal wife of the Florida nightclub shooter who claimed over 45 lives had beaten his wife for years.
They named attempted strangulation and other serious forms of harm, as well as keeping her on tight budget for many years among the forms of abuse.
The gun violence that played out as described by the broadcasters, was more common than most realized, as stemming from known abusive man. I also heard some Senators such as Blumenthal are seeking to review the Dickey Amendment which in 1993 became a blockade to doing research the causes of gun violence.
Lots more to discuss on this topic but wanted to make note of these points. The wife of the shooter in the Florida nightclub shooting is being indicted for not warning authorities about her abusive husband's plans or dangerous behaviors.
That will get more people to think carefully about how our society isolates victims of abuse and keeps the communities in the dark about ways to network to help prevent ongoing or a spiral of abuse. Not all will be caught but much less will go on without interventions or under the radar.
Most emergency workers and other parts of a community could encourage pro-active networking and ways for victims to find support for themselves and children early on and often, and take regular breaks from being with the abuser, at the home or however else isolation and manipulation dominates their lives.
A Lot of Positive messaging and resources are needed to break through the denial, minimazation and fear that victims live in as part of a survival and cultural set of dynamics which keep them trapped From the Inside as well as Logistically.
Far too many capable caring people stop short of 'wanting or needing to know' or care in the name of 'maintaining privacy and keeping a safe distance' due to cultural norms.
If They were in danger or being unstable they likely would want someone to guide them or keep them from harming others...but finding a way to address the Taboo Topics is still in the works...
The Economic Elephant in the room keeps victims afraid they will be homeless or challenged to keep their children (and maybe even the nice side of their abuser...) and the community from being willing to call talented people on the mat for crimes that generally happen 'behind closed doors.'
Even with evidence that the family or others could be in danger, the likelihood of people feeling the pros outweigh the cons or the pressure of life is to blame or would get worse if someone lost their job,kids, or housing or went to jail all come into play. Who wants in on that set of difficult dynamics? Hoping there are the right professionals is the best most can do, and sadly there are not such heroes and guides at the ready.
That's another level of communal wishful thinking...until headlines shake everyone's reality or more victims speak up (such as at Battered Mothers Custody Conference for over a decade with many advocates explaining what's broken with our system and ways to improve it.) Women should help women, men help men and kids help kids in the short run to educate everyone about abuse and control tactics to watch out for, and to hold others accountable for dishing out difficulties, bullying and abuse toward others.
That would mean in house reporting in ways that strengthen a victim and their supports, not necessarily taking an abuser on alone or without a team plan (again primarily to protect the victim and provide resources for safety longterm..including economic supports so they do not head into homeless or poverty status, get the picture?)
It's a tall order, but such victims are actually our modern day 'war heroes' and deserve our utmost support and respect...and are a warning system which should be taken seriously and with much gratitude for whatever they can share... Do I hear an "Amen"
"Half of All Women Killed in the World are Done In By their own
Reading a piece online (I have to research, I think on medium.com) shared that 'half of all women murdered are killed by someone they are involved with (a current or former intimate partner..though I would like to revise that term since it may not be a Willing Partnership..so that's not a partnership..and therefore the person is Not Their Partner..but rather someone they are Involved With, not even a "person" as much as a subject or entity, doesn't that seem more accurate?
Furthermore often women are killed as 'honor killing' victims, to save a family's or the man's honor as defined by their culture or religion. So lots more to say sometime, but wanted to share the difficult statistic.
Also, ICE is being reported as separating youth, including very young children and toddlers...from their natural mothers (even when paperwork is presented and before a DNA test is done to confirm the familal relationship. )
The ACLU is decrying this practice and seeking legal protection under the Constitution which has been clarified as covering all people in terms of fair treatment, not only citizens.
That was also from another online article. Hope that gives us reason to Pay Attention..and see 'what may be on the horizon for more people...because others can get away with it and no one complains." Let's protect our basic human rights sooner rather than later.
See more about That and many areas that connect to the tragedies befalling many Protective Mothers on www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org which has many important resources listed for their National Event in early May 2018!
Post new comment