The more everyone learns about how our society treats boys and girls differently and men and women differently legally (especially historically wherein men 'owned' women and their children...with legal responsibilities but also with power to 'hit, hurt, and use them on many levels' in the name of running Their Manly Household (with no laws or interventions to keep things in check or better, make them 'fair and clear to all parties' in a household.)
When some suffer, everyone in the home or family or social group suffers albeit in 'different ways'. Women and girls often 'act in' (depression, anxiety, being busy and not taking time for herself...) while men and boys often 'act out' with anger, control, hurting others and stuff, isolating and so on. Sound vaguely familiar?
There are 50 states plus with different rules for how Domestic abuse (think control of money, rules in the home, deciding key issues about kids, pets, how a home is run, etc) by males(primarily but often both parents may pick on kids, yet sometimes due to the initiator being controlling and the stress spilling over onto the mom or others 'in charge' to comply with the abuser's rules and moods, etc. )
I have read lots on this and None of it is Shared Publicly town by town to keep its citizens safe. The Leaders of a community, faith group, school or other agency (even a DV one) is not mandated to educate the community..it's all voluntary, piece meal and far from adequate..so let's even the playing field and have this at a library within reach of each county if not more.
Thanks a bundle and let's all Doublecheck our understandings of what's fair, what's okay to say privately (at least to oneself and maybe with another person screening or coaching one to make sure it's okay to put out in the public realm...) and then in groups.
Really 'talking to another person' is a high level social interaction so maybe best to offer ideas in writing or over the phone rather than in person and only with 'skilled listeners and responders' lest you get in a conflict or assault (even verbal assault with threats or demands for one person to not speak, for immediate compliance for someone to leave a room or a home --rather than a request etc.
We should not make demands on other people since that is an infringement of their human rights...whereas we can make requests or leave a room, drop a conversation by just walking into another room 'getting a drink of water, making a call or using the bathroom, etc' kind of quick time out..and not come back if one is feeling a break is important. An hour is good, a day may be better before addressing That issue or any other Hot Topic.
Those can be over very strange or simple matters but often have tentacles into the past. Someone wanting to bring a stool into a home to try out may be met at the door with the 'rule' that nothing may be brought into the home without prior approval. If someone is a guest or does not have their own room that can be shared in advance maybe in a list of 'house guidelines and yes, 'rules'..and ask if someone agrees with them.
If issues come up (which they will as part of human life) a process for discussing them in a timely manner, say a week or a few days at someone's request, for a half hour (or more or less as needed) could be an option. Using a written email format to keep track of requests and discussions, and check in times to see how any plan is working would make sense.
Having one person be a secretary to take notes and such would also be helpful. Another option is to record highlights on a phone message such as Google Voice or make a phone video. Not easy to think about in the moment,or to actually do, but great practice for Real Life where many things need 'written evidence and reports' or else 'it almost didn't happen' and is not something one can track or take action on. That is the case in schools, day cares, nursing homes and many jobs.
Charting and keeping a log or journal with the basics and then another one with more details if not a file for various topics or people are all common. But again, these are shared in the spirit of preventing the 'winner takes all' strategy of controlling people (male, female or any or no gender or age...). We can all learn a lot to improve our own sense of accountability for living in balance with our values and those in our lives.
Many jobs need to get done to keep a household and family afloat..that being said, we need to find time to understand the ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) which may include a waking up and going to be routine (things to do like washing up, getting dressed or changed, waking up with any routines like centering oneself--breathing consciously for a few minutes, being mindful or doing a 5-10 min meditation to come back into one's physical body and set intentions for balance, peace, flow and so on.
Hitting the pavement running may sound like the grand plan to get a lot done but ideas in The Urban Monk and many other popular sites are indicating that How we do things is as important as What we do...
How we say something is as key as What we are saying. I have offered the idea to couch any questionable statement or story (with a name change or a generic role such as a school teacher, a bus driver, a coach, a student, a parent, a worker, a boss etc rather than the specific person or identifying details to get to the nugget of wisdom or concern. Many of the 12-step programs promote such 'anonymity' and guidelines for people above personalities and again could be studied even online to use as a public set of shared lessons. Okay now on with the day and hope all goes smoothly for one and all on our ball of earth and water, 3rd from the sun (to keep things in perspective.)
See
www.lundybancroft.com for his webinar and google info by Barry Goldstein as well though his site may have some security issues... seems some don't want to share the important information he has braved disclosing. If you have time also see Steven Greer..these guys deserves Nobel Prizes for their work but the world needs to wake up to the implications sooner rather than 'too later'..uh oh..
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